Blair St. Clair Led With Her Heart When She Opened Up On Drag Race About Past Trauma

Blair St. Clair, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race Season 10

It was one of the most emotional moments in RuPaul’s Drag Race history when Indiana queen Blair St. Clair became the sixth competitor to sashay away from the show’s tenth season. Leading up to her elimination Blair was teamed up with Miz Cracker and The Vixen in a faux Drag Con panel about wig care.

Related | Mayhem Miller Wishes She Had Caused a Little More Mayhem on Drag Race

It wasn’t until the queens were awaiting their critiques on the main stage that Blair shared a deeply personal story about her past with the other queens and Ru, opening up about how her first sexual experience was the result of a rape at a college party and how that affected her drag  persona. Blair chatted with OUT about the journey to Drag Race and what it took to open up to her fellow queens.

OUT: How do you feel about your overall experience RuPaul’s Drag Race?

Blair St. Clair: Drag Race is truly a race, but the real race starts after filming. On the show it was just such an incredible experience and more than I could have ever hoped for or imagined and I had such a good time putting out all my energy and experiencing everything the show had to offer.

You seemed to be like the little sister of the season, how did that feel?

I am definitely the cute little sister at heart and got a lot of older sister feelings from the other girls. I don’t think you can put an age on what we do as queens, but I definitely felt an extra amount of love and support from the other girls in being a contender cast alongside them even though I might have a little bit less life experience.

What surprised you most about the show?

How much I learned about myself. I thought I had a good idea of who I thought Blair St. Clair was and what I wanted to showcase with my career. But going through the amount of challenges, runways, and the stress of the entire production of Drag Race I think I’ve grown up and Blair has grown up as well.

Is there any part of Blair that you wish fans had gotten to see more of?

I am so proud of what I did on Drag Race. I never questioned my morals or integrity and I did everything true to myself. I never did anything for a reaction or did anything askew, and I’m really proud of staying true to myself the entire journey. The only thing I’d change is that I’d speak up a little bit more and be a bit more confident.

Let’s talk about that emotional moment on the main stage – what did it take for you to open up about your rape in front of those other contestants and RuPaul?

There are only I think 130 Drag Race girls today, and only those 130 girls can really, truly understand what it’s like to be on that stage and the emotion that you feel when you’re there. That day, when I shared what I did, I was just in a head space of needing to get something off my chest, needing to share, or needing to really express emotion and express something that was on my heart and that I felt connected to. I describe that experience as if my heart were speaking before my mind knew it was ready to, and I look back at it and I’m really proud of myself for having that courage.

How were you feeling after you left the main stage?

At that point in time I had almost lost the memory – it felt a bit like a black out. That entire day felt like an out of body experience for me. I was feeling very emotionally vulnerable and open, I was feeling nervous, and I was also feeling such a connection with wanting to prove my worth. In the moment I thought it was about wanting to prove something to RuPaul, but what I didn’t realize is that it wasn’t about the situation at all, it was about accepting my own self and my own trials and tribulations and what I’ve experienced in my life.

What was it like getting that video message from your mom in Untucked?

My mom is one of the biggest supporters in my life so having her give me a little extra love in a time when I needed it was really special. Whenever I need someone to talk to my mom is one of the first people I turn to and that video was exactly what I needed at that point in time. The first thing I did when I got home was went to a huge sushi bar with my mom and a couple of friends and we just talked and caught up. You don’t truly realize how much you’ll miss someone or how much they mean until you take them away.

What’s next for Blair St. Clair?

Well today I released my new single, “Now or Never." It’s a song that expresses a lot of closure that I’ve been seeking for the last few months and now I can share that with fans after they’ve watched the episode. It’s about me looking at life in this black and white haze and finally making the choice to take flight and live life in color and to find beauty in all the struggles I’ve gone through.

RuPaul's Drag Race airs Thursdays at 8/7c on VH1. 

This interview has been edited and condensed.

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