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Australian Politician Compares Same-Sex Relationships to Biking Friends

Tandem Bike
AP/Peter Dejong

"I have an affectionate relationship with my cycling mates... but that's not marriage."

When I think about same-sex marriage, my mind immediately jumps to the idea of sliding into a spandex unitard and hopping on a bike with the boys. I'm not alone in this thought, either. An Australian MP named Kevin Andrews brought up the apt comparison on the news to defend his opposition to letting the gays marry and live in peace. Three cheers for sensibility and logic!

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Alright, we're lying--his argument is ridiculous and should be treated as such. He may want to cycle off into the sunset with his riding partners and swap blowjobs on his six-speed bike, but that's no reason to ban same-sex marriage. His argument, as was explained on Sky News Australia, is this:

"Yes, there are all kinds of affectionate relationships... I have an affectionate relationship with my cycling mates who we go (sic) cycling on the weekends, but that's not marriage. Why doesn't the law have a place in those sort of relationships? It doesn't because the law has a place traditionally, historically, across cultures and civilisations because it is there about the protection of the vulnerable and it shouldn't go beyond that."

Of course, cycling partners are in no way the same as same-sex couples who want to marry--unless you also happen to have sex with your cycling partner and are engaged in a happy, healthy relationship that you'd like to spend the rest of your life in with said cycling partner.

Frankly, it's offensive to make this comparison and embarrassing that someone so unhinged from reality has the power to vote on whether the LGBTQ community in Australia will have access to same-sex marriage. There's still no indication which way the vote will go, but we can only hope that Australia will join the 20 other countries where gay marriage is legal.

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Chris Thomas