It’s one thing to have your partner’s parents not to approve of your relationship, it’s quite another have accidentally hooked up with one of those parents. Father of the Bride and Monster in Law did not prepare us for this!
In a letter to The Guardian seeking sexual advice, an anonymous man reveals that during a “bi phase” he “used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men.” But all that changed when the man met his new girlfriend’s parents.
“Halfway through lunch I realized that I had slept with her father.” Relatable: it usually takes me at least 30 minutes to realize that someone is acting overly familiar with me because I’ve slept with them. “I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love — shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?”
Cue gay screaming. This is literally the plot of roughly 40% of gay porn.
The Guardian’s advice columnist Pamela Stephenson Connolly didn’t have a hopeful outlook for the future of the anonymous man and his hopeful DILF-in-law. “I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife.… Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself.”
All due respect, Pamela, but it’s 2019! I have some conflicting advice for this dad diddler: be a slut, do whatever you want. Have sex with your fiance’s dad and crack jokes about it at the wedding! Have a father/son dance during the reception! Talk about a modern family, amirite? Think of how fun Thanksgiving is going to be!