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How to Date a Trans Guy

How to date a trans guy

That Guy Kas gives us the DL on dating a trans guy.

Why should a gay cis guy consider dating a trans guy?

For the same reasons he would date anyone: good chemistry. We will challenge you to be more communicative. For our own emotional and physical security, we will probably ask a lot of questions. And we will turn you into better listeners too.

How can cis guys mind their manners?

Don't fetishize us. It's creepy, and it objectifies us. Approach your questions with more politeness than you normally would, even if you're on a cruising app. Never open a conversation by asking:

* How long have you been on T?
* Have you had / are you going to have / do you want surgery?
* Do you have a dick? Can I see it?
* Can you get pregnant?
* What does your family think about you being trans?
* Shouldn't you be attracted to women?

What about sex?

Don't assume anything. Trans guys' identities and bodies change as we transition, and often so do our likes and dislikes. Like cis guys, we're all different, and that's part of the fun.

Our junk

Most trans guys have not had any surgery to their lower half, and many of us are satisfied with our original plumbing. Some guys call their parts a "pussy." Some use other terms, like "front hole." But everyone's different and these terms can be triggering. Taking testosterone causes the clitoris to grow, and so guys may call it different things, like "dick," "dicklit," and "boy cock." Ask your partner how they refer to whatever parts they have -- but wait until it's relevant to bring it up.

Top surgery

This is a far more common procedure, but don't assume that a guy has had surgery unless you see him shirtless. It's a good idea to call it his "chest" and ask him what his boundaries are.

Top, bottom, or versatile?

Trans guys can be any of these! Don't assume that he is a bottom just because he has his original plumbing. He may enjoy using a strap-on with partners. Ask him what he enjoys. If he tells you he likes penetration, that gives you a clue. If he tells you he enjoys topping other guys -- another clue!

Safe sex

Trans men with their original plumbing may be more susceptible to STIs than cisgender men who have anal sex. Front holes are temperamental and sensitive, so it's really important for you to be mindful of your hygiene and to practice safe sex. Trans men may also be capable of getting pregnant, so make sure you protect yourself and your man.

How can cis gay guys find and date their trans counterparts?

Most of the gay dating and hookup apps have ways for trans people to make themselves known as trans (if they want to, of course) and also have ways to search for trans people. Scruff has better filtering options and is more user-friendly than the others. OkCupid and some of the other dating sites have these same options as well.

That Guy Kas lives in Los Angeles. He is trans and queer, enjoys working out and tattoos, and mostly dates men. He blogs at

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