Unlike those of us who can’t even get a text back, it turns out that beloved wizard Dumbledore was indeed getting it on with his frenemy Grindelwald.
In a featurette on the Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Blu-ray, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling admitted that Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore and dark wizard Gellert Grindelwald were whomping each others’ willows.
"Their relationship was incredibly intense," Rowling says, according to Digital Spy. "It was passionate, and it was a love relationship. But as happens in any relationship, gay or straight or whatever label we want to put on it, one never knows really what the other person is feeling. You can't know, you can believe you know.”
She added: "So I'm less interested in the sexual side — though I believe there is a sexual dimension to this relationship — than I am in the sense of the emotions they felt for each other, which ultimately is the most fascinating thing about all human relationships."
Well you know what, Ms. Rowling? I’m much more interested in the sexual side and have several questions. Who topped? Who bottomed? Did they use wands as sex toys? Given your very recent revelation about how magic was involved in wizard’s pooping, do you have any details about whether wizards are magically able to make bottoming more pleasurable? Can wizards create lube out of nowhere? Rowling, your silence is deafening.
Rowling’s revelation about Grindelwald and Dumbledore blowing each other’s magical backs out comes after two Fantastic Beasts films have only hinted that the wizards, played by Johnny Depp and Jude Law, had a more-than-friendly relationship.
J.K. Rowling first revealed that Dumbledore was gay in 2007, after the final Harry Potter book hit shelves. Since then, the idea that she shoehorns identities and storylines into the existing canon has become somewhat of an internet meme.
jk rowling: dobby assassinated princess diana
— emily (@theemiree) January 28, 2019
jk rowling: ron spent all 7 years at hogwarts fantasizing about a loyal unique imaginary best friend named “Harry Potter” as a way to cope with an unbearably plain life as a regular kid who wasnt super good or bad at school, who wasnt popular but wasnt an outcast either
— jonny sun (@jonnysun) January 28, 2019
jk rowling: buckbeak is into light choking but hasn’t found the right partner
— Rachel Whitehurst (@RachLWhitehurst) January 26, 2019
JK Rowling: the Whomping Willow was gay
— sarah schauer (@SJSchauer) January 25, 2019
JK Rowling: Dobby has a 10 inch cock
— Mr iNabber (@iNabberTV) January 25, 2019
Besides, if there’s anything that needs updating, it might be Rowling’s stance on trans people.