If RuPaul's Drag Race intends to make "propping up a fallen doll" an annual occurrence, then they need to hire better dolls.
Back in the dressing room, the final four--Phi Phi O'Hara, Sharon Needles, Chad Michaels, and Latrice Royale--make signs that read, "Final Four, No Mo'." But, alas, there is one more: Michelle Visage's choice to return from the dead, little Kenya Michaels, her head still moving side to side like Katharine Hepburn near the end.
This is also the episode in which these poor queens have to dress up average Joes as their drag sisters. Because Kenya Michaels' drag teddy bear caused panda-monium (get it?), she gets to assign the DILFs to the girls. That's Dad I'd Like to Frock, not Dad I'd Like to Fuck. You who have seen the episode know I speak truth.
The men are the usual assortment of kind and eager, huffily annoyed at enduring pain, and the one weirdo who gets off on the breast plate. Weirdo, meet Sharon Needles! Sharon tries, but her DILF is a cock-obsessed dink who makes even the home viewer uncomfortable.
As the girls dress and powder their dads into drag queen perfection (if it's last call), the men learn a little something. Chad Michaels' dad doesn't understand why the gays need to call it marriage if it's going to offend so many people, and Chad patiently explains it's mostly because one of them will get sick and die, and the other can't visit when that happens. But for the most part, the fathers are all very supportive, and in the case of Phi Phi O'Hara, provide the paternal support she clearly lacked.
In addition to walking the runway as pregnant sisters (don't ask), the queens must also perform a sexy striptease with their DILFs. We are mercifully treated to a montage of the routines, rather than having to suffer through them in their entirety, but based on the rehearsal footage, the strips weren't anything to get riled up about.
Chad and Phi Phi both benefitted from having game dads in their corner and impressed guest judges Jennifer Love Hewitt ("You look like me," she squealed at Phi Phi's sis) and fellow triple-namer Jesse Tyler Ferguson--though Michelle Visage, as usual, complained that Chad didn't take any risks. "Risks" is to Michelle what "couture" is to Santino.
Sharon, Latrice, and Kenya didn't fare as well, however. Sharon's runway fell apart because she was saddled with a bow-legged cowboy ("Nothing makes a girl look better than standing next to this one," she quipped on the runway. "That's why I'm friends with Michelle Visage," RuPaul said); Latrice didn't nail the sister vibe with her DILF, leading Ferguson to say, "You look like good friends in a Tyler Perry movie," simultaneously schooling Phi Phi in how to land an off-color joke; and Kenya's runway demeanor was so dour that it prompted Michelle to worry about the unborn baby. In the end, Kenya and Latrice were forced to lip sync for their lives to Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman."
And now let's take a moment to talk about these two lip syncs. Latrice stood almost immobile, acting out every emotion in that song with such fresh authority that you actually heard it again for the first time. She was also smart enough to make it a lullaby, sung to her baby bump, and it was sickening! Kenya Michaels, however, jeted, plied, and generally twirled around the stage like a pint-sized dynamo, oblivious to the lyrics and practically screaming for attention. As Aretha sings, "You make me feel like a natural woman," this man in drag whipped off his wig and tossed it aside; Santino at least had the decency to roll his eyes. Is it any wonder that Kenya, so freshly returned to the fold, is thrown back into the wilds of America, allowing Latrice to return to her rightful place in the Fab Final Four? RuPaul has spoken, Michelle Visage. Do not question her again.