La bibliotheque is open, bitches! This week's episode of RuPaul's Drag Race found the queens reading each other--and themselves. Ostensibly, most of the shade throwing was for Ru's benefit during the open library mini challenge ("You queens clock me for painting my face a gray shade, but I was inspired by DiDa's knees," said Sharon Needles), but there was plenty of face-to-face attacks and even more in confession. As usual, Phi Phi O'Hara led the charge, making up for in shadiness what she lacks in talent. No T, no shade, gurl!
Latrice Royale won the library mini challenge (the library is closed!) and got to assign the dolls the titles of their dragazines. (Ru has never found a word he couldn't make into a drag portmanteau.) They'll have to write coverlines and pose for a cover shoot. A little tip from me to you, ladies: Covers are the place for all those shameful puns that pop into your head. Trust.
Jiggly's dragazine is Battle of the Bulge, and she is going to take the serious route, dammit! Never mind that Latrice, Chad Michaels and even Ru himself tell her to find the funny. "I'm not second-guessing!" Jiggly shrieks at Ru. After all, that paragon of selflessness, Phi Phi, advised her to be serious if she thought that would work best. "Wanna help her pack her bags?" Phi Phi snickered to Willam. "Shady!" Latrice offers in confessional. Guess the library is never really closed.
The cover shoots are hot messes. DiDa takes her Stepford Wife route again with her cooking magazine, and completely misses the obvious "Chicken of the Month" cover shoot of a young gay twink. To be fair, perhaps she was distracted by the hunky photographer, who rivaled Latrice herself when it came to cleavage. Sharon Needles said what we all were thinking when she met him for the first time: "Have you ever done porn?" Bless. Her cat fancier magazine (heavy on pussy double entendres) came out seriously eleganza, all legs and puss, while Chad's actual Eleganza dragazine was a bit of a try-hard Auntie Mame snooze, complete with a bedazzled kaleidoscope. Latrice's T dragazine relied too much on the Pit Crew (speaking of Battle of the Bulge), who draped themselves on top of her and made her cover look the a postcard for Madam's.
Phi Phi's Sashay Away 'zine, however, was a fun, summery look that nailed the Cosmo coverlines with desperate single lady accuracy. "Bath houses," "orgasmic" and "virginity" all came in to play. And Jiggly. Poor Jiggly. Even the editors know all about her, because when DiDa said this challenge would separate the brains from the... rest, the editors immediately cut to a shot of Jiggly, chomping her way through a bag of snacks and staring down. Backed into a corner by her refusal to take weight loss lightly, Jiggly looked wan and sleepy in boxing gloves, attacking one of the Pit Crew. Willam was definitely perkier--and totally naked--for the cover of her decorating dragazine, indulging in a pillow fight with the Pit Crew. Remember how for most of this season Willam has just seemed super deadpan? She may actually be a charming sociopath. When she said the lampshades she put over the Pit Crew's heads wouldn't stay put and they wouldn't let her nail them in place, it seems more than likely that she actually asked for a hammer and nails before they stopped her.
On the runway, special guest judges Regina King and an olive on a toothpick calling herself Pam Tillis watched in awe as the dolls walked the walk. Chad came down the runway looking like a butch Meg Ryan decked out for the cover of Rolling Stone; Sharon Needles was a zombiefied Jackie Collins; Jiggly's bright yellow dress was just another example of every single runway look she's done for the last few weeks; DiDa's hair was as flat as her cover shoot; Latrice's low-cut caftan looked like the upholstery of a '70s couch; Willam was robotically pretty in a Britney Spears poptart dress; and Phi Phi gave up going for dom and looked fresh and lovely (although her eyes seemed uneven).
The judges seemed mostly bored by everyone. No one was a clearcut winner, though Phi Phi did take the title. And despite Chad, Latrice and DiDa's dragazines leaving much to be desired, in the end it was Willam and Jiggly who had to lip sync for their lives to Pam Tillis' "Mi Vid Loca." A few verses in, and Willam's prancing revealed one important piece of information: She wasn't wearing any panties. "I sure wish I'd run panties to the runway," she said. "But I didn't expect to be in the bottom two." Her perfect ass probably didn't keep her in the running towards becoming America's Next Drag Superstar, but I doubt it hurt. And so it's Jiggly who must sashay away, leaving a strong final five in her wake. Who will make the bottom three? There are plenty of contenders, but I'm hoping for a Power Trio of Latrice, Sharon and Chad Michaels. Who do you want to see in the finale?