KFC Kisses Carbs Goodbye

One of my favorite stories from my first week at Out involves an editor who told me, "This is probably the only job you'll ever have where you can keep porn on your desk but you have to keep your carbs hidden under it."

I love carbs way too much to ever be ashamed of their omni-presence in my life (some days it feels like the Pontiac-sized bowl of pasta I eat for dinner is all I have to look forward to) but for those of you who are stuck in 1999 and still a slave to the Atkins way of life (or for those of you who are simply looking for the next most caloric fast food sandwich item), let me introduce you to the KFC Double Down.

As the (appropriately) crude video above shows, the KFC Double Down consists of two slices of bacon, melted slices of swiss and pepper jack cheese and a dollop of "the Colonel's sauce" contained (but just barely) by two fried chicken breasts that double as a "bun." Though it looks toxic, (I can only begin to imagine the carnage that will take place in the restroom after indulging in one of these sandwiches -- Double Down, indeed) with a whopping 1,228 calories (as calculated by the Vancouver Sun since KFC has yet to reveal the sandwich's nutritional value) you only need to eat two of these suckers to reach (or exceed) your daily caloric intake. That's American ingenuity at its finest, folks.

The KFC Double Down is still in test stages, which means if you want one you'll have to travel to Providence, Rhode Island, or Omaha, Nebraska, but fear not! If this country is as predictable as I think it is, you'll soon be able to get your hands and gullet on one of these bad boys before you can say "adult diapers."

-- NOAH MICHELSON

Previously > Flying Phallus: 1; Adam Lambert: 0