In front of adoring crowds, Joan Rivers is still telling some of the lewdest and crudest jokes ever. But just wait until you read her "diary." Complete with visual aides like the ones shown here, Diary of a Mad Diva (Penguin Group, $26.95) is funnier and more gobsmackingly wrong than you could possibly imagine. It's one of those books that'll have you laughing in public. Though when people ask you what's so funny, you might wanna dial down the details.
1. "The Jewish guy in the center kept sending everything back. 'Is it vegan? Does it have peanuts in it? Is it gluten-free?' What a fuckin' whiner."
2. "If you think my tongue is big, you should see the size of the cold sore I gave Robin Thicke!"
3. "The Backstreet Boys have not aged well."
4. "This ain't the first time I've been on top of Teddy Roosevelt's face."
Images: Jocelyn Pickett ( Miley Cyrus, Red Coats). Aldo Coppelli (Last Supper, MT. Rushmore).