Following the disappointment of the Witness era, Katy Perry clearly learned she needed to give the gays everything they want in order to reclaim her place in the pop pantheon. The two key factors so far have been wigs and bops — name a summer anthem that slaps harder than “Never Really Over.” Oh, you can’t? Just as I suspected.
Now, Perry has moved on to phase three in her attack plan. Fully unwilling to take her foot off our necks, the American Idol judge has admitted that anal health is one of her top priorities, endearing her once more to the world’s bottoms. In an interview with Australian radio show Smallzy's Surgery, Perry confessed that she is using "ancient remedies" to stay youthful. "I'm kind of into those type of things, like health and healing places and self-betterment places," she revealed. "Especially as you get older and you have longer hangovers, you realize the cells in my body are dying."
Her key weapon in the battle against cellular death is Panca Karma, which is essentially an Ayurvedic douche. "I did this thing called Panca Karma, it's basically Ayurvedic eating and cleansing, you do lots of enemas." Over 21 days, Perry rid her body of toxins, creating "optimum healing conditions."
"You definitely feel more energy,” she explained. “It basically like gets all the crap out of you, every pun intended." And relished, I’m sure. This is, after all, the woman who went to the Met Ball as a cheeseburger.
"There are ancient ways to heal yourself besides just taking a pill, which is something I always love to investigate," she continued.
Perry added that her fiance Orlando Bloom is also a fan of "new age of living,” and that they were on a health kick after indulging on a recent vacation, eating plenty of fruits and vegetables. But, "probably tomorrow I will have an In-N-Out burger."
Just don’t forget to douche after!