In an excerpt from her new book, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy Schumer recalls her only one-night stand with "the most beautiful man" she'd ever seen."
"A six-foot-two-inch strapping strawberry blond of about thirty-five years," Schumer writes, "I was immediately turned on just looking at him. "
Amy, fresh off a hangover and in her finest airport couture--"zero makeup or bra, sweatpants, a T-shirt, and flats"--wasn't expecting to snag anything, let alone a British sailor named Sam, but when he sat down next to her on the airplane, she did what any thirsty lady with a pulse would do: start sipping away.
They parted after their flight, exchanging emails. Sam, to Amy's surprise, emailed her after her show and she dropped a double entendre or two, and next thing you know she's getting "pummeled by this British superhero."
Not one for one-night stands, Schumer made an exception for Sam because she had been left feeling sexually insecure after an old boyfriend turned out to be gay:
I really needed a boost of sexual confidence during that time of my life. I'd recently learned that a guy I'd been in love with and had dated in the past was gay. Even though it had been a while since we had dated, it still broke my heart when he came out to me. And it made me begin to question myself. This person who made me feel beautiful and sexy for so long was attracted to men. When you get older and wiser, you get your confidence from within, not from the person you are having sex with. But finding out someone I'd dated was gay at that moment in my life was giving me a hard time. I was having trouble feeling like a sexual being and was wondering about my own worth.
Sam helped Schumer get her groove back, and left her feeling like "Marlene Dietrich in Morocco."
She even turned down future flings with Sam--which just really seems boastful--because she didn't want to tarnish the "purest" night of her life. Still, Amy gleaned this gem of wisdom from her epic one-night stand:
Let the record show that I'm not suggesting one-night stands are cure-alls for broken hearts and low self-esteem--but sometimes they really can fix a specific problem. And even better, sometimes sex is just its own reward.