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Survey Says Americans Want a Genderqueer Santa Claus

Buzz Andersen/Unsplash

This is the Christmas liberals want.

If you grew up in the typical Christian household, you probably have a narrow view of what Santa looks like (nevermind that he was created as a mascot for a holiday appropriated from Paganism). Basically, you're thinking Tim Allen in a fat suit with a white beard. You've sat on the lap of a version of this at least eight times.

But a new survey from GraphicSpring reveals that Americans and Brits are ready for a little Santa rebrand.

There was admittedly an overwhelming majority (72.2 percent) of boring people who think Santa should remain a man. But if Hallmark movies have taught us anything, it's that women can be Santa too (and that Candace Cameron Bure has literally nothing else to do). The survey found that 10.6 percent want a female Santa, and 17.2 percent are ready for a gender neutral Mx. Claus. (Since we agree with the latter, we'll refer to Santa with gender-neutral pronouns.)

In addition to this genderfluid version of Santa, some want them to be more hipster (18 percent). Others suggested they upgrade from the reindeer-led sleigh to a flying car (22 percent) or a hoverboard (17 percent). And as if the employment rate wasn't already an issue for elves (we assume), a surprising 23 percent think Santa should start using Amazon Prime.

As far as appearance, 18 percent think old Mx. Claus needs a new hairstyle, and 20 percent think they should get some tattoos (we're definitely into this idea). But an unfortunate 21 percent think Santa should go on a diet... so now we're body shaming the person who filled our stockings with love and capitalism for the better part of our adolescence?!

While the idea of a genderfluid, tatted-up Santa is great to dream about, the fact remains that old St. Nick is still the product of a very problematic America. Perhaps we can hold out hope for this progressive form of the person in red for a future Netflix original movie.

Related | This Genderqueer Santa Claus Is Here to Save Christmas, Wear Fishnets

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