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This Manly Man Makeup for Men Is Totally No Homo, Dudes

This Manly Man Makeup for Men Is Totally No Homo, Dudes

Hey dudes! Do you, like all dudes, have imperfect skin, dark circles, or an oily t-zone? Don’t you wish you could achieve that flawless male model face without getting all girly about it? I mean, what self-respecting dude is going to walk into a Sephora and pick up a quality product like the NARS natural Radiant Long Wear Foundation and Fenty Beauty Soft Matte Concealer where anyone can see? Then everyone would know that not only are you gay, but you’re gay gay, the kind of gay who — gasp — uses traditionally feminine beauty tools! The horror.

Well, bro, you’re in luck thanks to the new line of manly makeup for men and not for women. Introducing … WAR PAINT (cue explosion sound effect), the new line of makeup for guys who are just being dudes while keeping their pores blurred.

“Many people believe all skin is the same, however, men and women's skin are very much different,” WAR PAINT’s website asserts. “Men's skin is naturally tougher, the skin on a man's face is 25% thicker than a woman's, men’s skin also has bigger pores and a lot more of them which produces more sebum than a woman..” Apparently, testosterone cases men’s skin to be thicker and more oily than women’s. According to my doctor, this is in fact true (my skin got softer after starting hormone replacement therapy) but this binaried marketing strategy seems like thinly veiled homophobie and femmephobia.

WAR PAINT claims that “men need to be more cautious about what they use on their skin, as ‘regular’ skincare and cosmetics could worsen the skin over time.” There’s literally no scientific proof for the claim that women's makeup would be somehow worse for men's skin, but traditional cosmetics usually come in girly pink packages you have to buy in a perfume-scented store with soft yellow lighting, which is like, totally gay.

WAR PAINT’s product lineup includes concealer, foundation, tinted moisturizer, a face sponge, and anti-shine, all packaged in unclockable matte black.

WAR PAINT’s aggressively masc promo is such an eye roll and reinforces the idea that men shouldn’t be buying cosmetics marketed to women because it will make them seem less masculine, which is literally just misogyny. Maybe instead of being so afraid of femininity you have to purchase an overpriced and under-reviewed product, you can just explore a wide range of products already available to you over in the "women's" section — or shop online, I promise the packages are discrete.

Also, I can smell this commercial and it smells like Axe Body Spray (and looks like it was directed by Michael Bay).

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Tags: Lifestyle

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