The OUT Guide to Dogs

Ralph Lauren Home Crocodile Dog Carrier, $18,000, RalphLauren.com; Louis Vuitton Dog Collar, $290,
and leash, $400, LouisVuitton.com

Photography by Joshua Scott

The next time someone despairs that they lead "a dog's life," perhaps they should clarify exactly which dog. Historically, aristocrats kept lap dogs as status symbols, showering them with gifts -- a tradition that remains and well, from Chelsea to West Hollywood. And while there's such a thing as too much, indulging one's pet is akin to indulging oneself.

The Right Stuff
The Perfect Accessories for Your pet

Whatever trend is sweeping across a certain industry -- foodies and their locally sourced organic fare, fall runways riddled with cozy cashmere turtlenecks -- you can be sure that some great mind will recreate it in puppy proportions and slap a price tag on it. In his exploration of the dynamics between people and their critters, "Why Do People Love Their Pets?" Professor John Archer speaks about mankind's impulse to treat domesticated animals as substitute children, making them take part in cultural rituals that we've cultivated for ourselves. But what of it? With an array of options -- from the tongue-in-cheek to the downright ridiculous -- there's something for every canine desire. Here are some of our favorites.

Wag More Bark Less Wheat Free Dog Treats From Cloud Star, $6.95, CloudStar.com

Clean as a Hound's Tooth
Kiehl's Cuddly-Coat Conditioning Rinse, $17; Cuddly-Coat Grooming Shampoo, $17; Spray-N-Play Cleansing Spritz, $13; Kiehls.com

Cute and Cuddly
Ralph Lauren Sweater, Cabled Cashmere Dog Turtleneck, $95, RalphLauren.com

A Dog's Dinner
Bocce's Bakery All-Natural Dog Biscuits in Lobster Roll, Beef Bourguinon, and PB&J flavors; $14.50 each; BoccesBakery.com

Sweet Treat
Bubba Rose Organic Biscuit Company Treats: Ooh...She's a Bitch, $7.25 for two (top); Split Personality, $8.99 for pair (bottom); BubbaRose.com

On a Tight Leash
Louis Vuitton Dog Collar, $290, and leash, $400, LouisVuitton.com

Put a Dog Off the Scent
Les Poochs Parfums De Luxe (from left): La Pooch (for female dogs), $40; V.I.P. Splash, $110; Pooch Puppy I, $50; LesPoochs.com

Pet Sounds
Sure, you might dig these songs that name-check animals, but what do your furry friends think? Here, our expert panel of pets assess 10 tracks based on their pet-friendliness.

1. Elton John, "Honky Cat"
"That funky brass! Those plinking piano keys! That feline wailing! Purrrrrrfection."

2.David Bowie, "Diamond Dogs"
"I can't wrap my claws around the concept, but I could chase my tail to this shit for days."

3.The Cure, "Lovecats"
"It's as slinky and loose as me in heat. Two paws up."

4.Deee-Lite, "Pussycat Meow"
"Sigh. Oh, for the days when I used to get really messed up on catnip and wake up two days later in the litter box with my wig still on."

5.Pet Shop Boys, "I Want a Dog"
"This rocks. Though I'm obviously biased when it comes to (dog) house."

6.The Magnetic Fields, "Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits"
"Screw this guy. As if we just spend our days getting drunk and having sex. Can we just retire that metaphor already?"

7.Tom Jones, "What's New Pussycat?"
"What's new? Nothing, you idiot. I've been lying on the windowsill all day. And what's new about that tacky suit?"

8.DMX, "Get At Me Dog"
"Woof. Dude needs to leave the barking to the professionals."

9.Scissor Sisters, "Skin this Cat"
"Disco revivalism? Absolutely fabulous! Catricide? Absolutely not."

10.Baha Men, "Who Let the Dogs Out?"
"I wouldn't touch this music with a 10-foot pooper scooper."

Dogs on a Catwalk

Pets already have their own fashion week (it's true!), but lately the pageantry of trotting them down a runway has jumped from specialist dog shows to the high couture runways of Milan and Paris. When Isaac Mizrahi paraded poodles dyed to match the color of his models' ensembles, The New York Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn drily noted that the Westminster Kennel Dog Show and Fashion Week overlapped that year and it was a "shame, considering there's not that much difference between the two events." Thom Browne's show for Moncler Gamme Bleu for Fall 2011 featured hunting regalia complete with hounds leading the way. And Betsey Johnson once sent Kelly Osbourne down her runway carrying a fluffy black Pomeranian, proving that a pedigree pooch is the acme of fashion accessories.

Left to right: Isaac Mizrahi, Moncler Gamme Bleu, Michael Bastian