While we all untuck week to week waiting for the next installment of Drag Race All Stars, the real stars have lined up long in advance to put two Scorpio queens head to head in the season finale… while the other queens in the top 4 are sure to pack their things well before Mama Ru crowns another legend.
WINNER: Jimbo BIRTHDAY: November 10, 1982 RUNNERUP: Kandy Muse BIRTHDAY November 3, 1994 SIGN: Scorpio
Jimbo and Kandy Muse are equally zany and definitely shady sisters of Scorpio. Well known for their magnetic personalities and seductive charm, Scorpio folx pack a punch when it comes to competition and transformation, as we’ve seen this season so far.
Both Jimbo and Kandy are second decan Scorpio (born in the middle third of Scorpio season), so their particular brands of crazy are slightly enhanced by Pisces, the sign after Scorpio. Second decan Scorpios sense a greater purpose in their lives and will literally transform themselves over and over to achieve it.
Why will Jimbo win? Well, beyond just the endless selection of breastplates in various sizes that never cease to amaze, Jimbo’s title toward weirdness will win over hearts while Kandy’s characteristic sting will likely keep her from the crown. They are both equally fierce competitors but Jimbo’s Scorpio magic is simply more evolved.
MISSCONGENIALITY: Jessica Wild BIRTHDAY: June 10, 1980 SIGN: Gemini
Gemini Jessica’s character arc throughout the season has revealed a real competitor for the crown. However, any Gemini is a lightweight compared to two legendary Scorpios, so she really never stood a chance. Gemini has two sides that are constantly in flux. While it seems that Jessica has finally settled into her wild side this season, her better angels will have the last laugh when she gets Miss Congeniality for being equally nice to everyone all season long, not causing any drama, serving lewks, and not crying.
SENT HOME FOR TEAR STAINS: Alexis Michelle BIRTHDAY: October 16, 1984 SIGN: Libra
As a fellow Libra, I can sympathize with the emotional toll that this competition can have on a sister of the Scales. On one hand, we believe we can win. On the other, we are desperately unsure of our potential. Sure, we’ve got looks and lewks galore, but the Libran path toward success is not one of trials and tribulations. We win as beauties, not brutes, and as soon as things get too tough, we get going. The tears may flow but they won’t carry her to queendom.
The stars have been deciphered and these are the results that have been handed down, barring any cunning machinations of this season’s queens during elimination. Will they continue with merit-based subtractions, or will someone’s subterfuge finally add up?
We'll have to see this Friday when All Stars 8 streams on Paramount+!