You Want To Have Sex With Him

Photo: Getty Images

"Who?"

"Who? Jordan Catalano. Come on, I'm not going to tell anyone, just admit it."

"I just like how he's always leaning... against stuff. He leans great. Well, either sex or a conversation. Ideally both."

The rumors are true. Once, long ago back when Winnie Holtzman had a career that had nothing to do with Wicked, Jared Leto was splitting his time between posing listlessly against high school lockers for television and...doing pretty much the exact same thing for acclaimed celebrity photographer Lord Henry Wotton. Though it feels like Jared Leto has remained 22 for almost 16 years, the man is turning 38 this year people! Somewhere in his house is a rotted and scarred VHS cover from My-So-Called Life, the horrible portrait of his soul.

So the point is, 30 Seconds to Mars -- that band you hate to love, love to hate, refuse to know anything about ... I don't know, you need to get over and embrace the wonder that is Jared Leto on stage -- is back, with their new album, This Is War. The chanting monks, the pulsing drums, the soft, slow hum of chords as Jared whispers his meaningless meaningfulness until it rises to an unimaginable crescendo, crashing and screaming until all you can do is thrash and dance, rip off your t-shirt and cry one single, black eyelined tear into the darkstar of infinity. "This is a Gift." (Jared and his band time travel, unveil ancient scrolls and fight an army of samurai warriors. There are so many feelings while watching this it's hard to pick one.)

Leto is just so pleased with himself every time he sings. It echoes louder than any electric guitar. His smugness is his art and it's a beautiful flower to behold: a relationship between the worship his fans provide and the worship that Leto commands before they can even feel it. It's actually rather complex, the sounds of an unapologetic egotist. It's the musical equivalent to American Pyscho, or even A Clockwork Orange.

In other news related to gods of youth with brilliant blue eyes that know the stage-kissed touch of one Miss Claire Danes, quoted at the beginning of this post, Me & Orson Welles, film festival favorite picked up for a limited release last month, is now in theaters everywhere! It's gotten amazing reviews and is a fun, romantic period drama about theater and it stars new comer Christian McKay as Orson Welles and someone as the "Me" but for the life of me I can't remember who (see the previous post linked below for a hint).

-- ALEX WILBURN

Previously >Zac Efron Plays the Part of An Actor