It's safe to say that Pam Poovey (voiced by Amber Nash) is a long way from Poovey Farms, the dairy farm where she raised Holstein cows. Over the course of five seasons on Archer, the gossip-loving human director of the spy agency formerly known as ISIS has slept with nearly every co-worker (sorry, Ray Gillette), been kidnapped, snuck onto a spaceship, and has consumed more drugs and alcohol than humanly possible.
Last season -- when Sterling Archer and crew abandoned the spy agency and attempted to start a cartel -- Pam underwent a physical transformation as she shed the pounds while simultaneously becoming addicted to cocaine.
As Archer season six -- premiering on Thursday, Jan. 8 at 10 p.m. EST on FX -- sees the team returning to the spy game (and teaming up with the CIA), Pam finds herself back where she started: returning to Poovey Farms to reconnect with her sister, Edie (Fargo's Allison Tolman).
In an exclusive interview, Pam answers Out's ten most burning questions about internet hackers, splooshing, and her dream wedding.
Out: You recently fixed the Internet with your nude cover for Poovey magazine. What will it take to put a stop to all the internet hackers?
Pam Poovey: I've got zero problem with internet hackers so long as they keep posting up that sweet celebrity cooch, keyboard sploosh!
We know you love gossip. What's the best secret you've heard recently?
As H.R. director I try to stay away from gossip at work. But when I'm not at work you can read my twitter account @pamsgossiptrain to find out all the dirt. Like, did you know that Cheryl once pinched a baby just to watch it cry?
Last season, you became addicted to cocaine. What was your favorite way to consume it?
Mmmm whipped cream. It's fun to eat off of my milk wagons. Aw, man. Listen to me -- I sound just like my mother!
Name one person that always makes you "sploosh."
Oh, a lot of people. Where to start? Well-a, I like 'em real wild, b-boy style by the mile, smooth black skin with a smile... oh wait, that's what makes me want to "Shoop."
Where does your alias "Snowball" come from?
Well, it wasn't because of powdered sugar or even the cocaine. It was because I would... After a guy would... Hmm, let's just say I'm really into recycling.
Image: FX via Uproxx
Who is a better lover, Sterling or Lana?
When Lana and I were bumper-to-bumper she called me Alex Karras a lot, which I wasn't crazy about. So Mr. Archer wins. Although, I don't think you can call what we did love makin'.
Considering you're the H.R. director, you've had sexual relations with a lot of the staff. Care to comment?
Sexual relations? I think you mean "conflict resolutions." But yeah... we should all get tested.
We hear your sister Edie is getting married. We're sad you're not walking down the aisle anytime soon. But if you were to, describe what your wedding would look like.
I am not getting married until we have marriage equality in all 48 states... what's that? There's 50 states! Since when???
Let's play a game of "Marry, Fuck, Kill" with Ray, Cyril, and Krieger.
I'd marry Ray because he'd keep the house nice and tidy. I'd screw Cyril because we all know he's packin' and kill Krieger because he's Hitler's spawn but more importantly... crazy needy.
When we asked Ray Gillette what his spirit animal was, he said "Pam." Now it's your turn. Who or what is your spirit animal?
A tipped over cow double-fisting bottles of Jaegermeister.
Watch a "Certified Pam" clip from Archer Season 6 below: