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Troye Sivan Was 'Terrified' of Being Gay for Most of His Life

troye sivan

"I hid the way I wanted to move, dress, speak," he said.

Troye Sivan just shared a story most anyone who isn't heterosexual can relate to: Being afraid of who they are or who they may become.

In a new interview with Harper's Bazaar Australia, the singer reflected on his latest album, Bloom, which featured tracks that highlight how queer people come into their sense of self. As a result, Sivan said that while he never set out to become a gay pop star, he has noticed a change in who listens to his music.

"I was thinking, this is an interesting shift," Sivansaid, noting a recent influx of older gay fans, in addition to his already young following. "But it's never been something I've strived for. I'm just grateful that people care."

The realization wasn't only impactful for what Sivan describes as his "day job" but also something that resonated deeply given his own identity.

"Growing up in a society where I didn't want to be gay for the first 15 years of my life, I was terrified of it," Sivan said. "That's still in there and I'm personally trying to work it out."

There's a push-and-pull that's oftentimes present in the experience of coming into one's sense of self as a queer person, even after coming out to those closest to you and -- in Sivan's case -- his entire fanbase and the greater public. That's a topic Sivan explores in his music, even while he continues to personally develop as an artist.

"Although I came out as gay to my family, there was still a lot I hid: the way I wanted to move, dress, speak," Sivan said. "I'm enjoying this process of pushing myself, figuring out: Am I into this? Am I not? There are no rules."

Coming out, or even inviting others in to your life, isn't always easy and can be fraught for anyone, regardless of celebrity. Exploring your identity is a personal process, and when the public is paying attention to your every move, it may be harder to feel as though there's enough space to do so.

But Sivan does what he can to balance and make sense of it all.

"As long as people are asking about it, it means there's still hunger for that conversation," he said. "I'm in a pretty privileged place. I live in West Hollywood, where everyone is gay, and I've got supportive family and friends. For me to be sick of talking about a subject that for other people is still so real and has an impact on their daily lives ... I kind of think it's the least I can do."

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