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Note to Self: Read Three Exclusive Excerpts from Connor Franta's Intimate New Book

Connor Franta

New York Times Best Selling author and Internet sensation Connor Franta released today his sophomore book, Note to Self, which offers a diary-like look into his battles with clinical depression, social anxiety, self-love and acceptance. Through a series of short essays, letters to past and future selves, poetry and original photography, the young queer creator reflects inward to show fans a side of himself rarely displayed on or off camera. 

Related | YouTube Star Connor Franta to Release Intimate Sophomore Book, Note to Self

Note To Self follows Franta's bestselling breakout memoir, A Work in Progress, which highlighted the YouTuber's personal journey from small-town Minnesota to viral online fame. With a blend of humor and insight, Franta intimately unpacked how he relates to his millions of fans, many of which began following him after his 2014 "Coming Out" video—a cultural milestone that's since been viewed more than 11 million times.

Preview three OUT exclusive excerpts from Franta's Note to Self, below, and purchase a copy here

Franta Notetoself For Loan P232 233

in his arms

it doesn't matter where we are

as long as it's you

and it's me

together

in each other's arms

closer than the eye can see

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an old friend

today

as i said it

for the first time

in a while

i felt it

inside my chest

i mean it

deep in my mind

what a strange

thing it is to feel

a feeling you

nearly forgot existed

this vessel

moving through your system

like a boat down a stream

tug, tug, tugging away

an old friend's voice

familiar and calming

it's nice to see you

please do stay awhile

we have some catching up to do

just you

and me

together again

let's hope for longer

than the last time

Unknown 2

the other side of the closet

As I sit here typing these words, my eyes glance at my fingers tapping away—and oh, look at my nails, painted a brilliant shade of glittery gold, looking fabulous and leaving me feeling all shades of wonderful. If you could see them with your own eyes, honey, you wouldn't be able to deny it. 

Now there's a sentence I couldn't have written two years ago.

I've come a long way in a short amount of time. I've been out of the closet online since mid-2015, and in my personal life since 2014. That blows my mind. I feel like my life has been laced with jet fuel and a hint of acid ever since, propelled into hyperdrive at speeds faster than light. I've changed for the better and feel like a brand-new person, which is something my younger self would never believe; in fact, he would laugh in my face. LAUGH. And not in a subtle, roll-the-eyes, "hehehe" type of way; more like a manic "HAHA! aH hAaaH" don't-be-ridiculous type of way (if you catch my rather informal drift). 

It was difficult to envision how much "coming out" would change everything. I had imagined that it would somehow shift everything within me but change nothing externally (if that makes any sense). I didn't want it to alter how people viewed me or interacted with me, but I wanted it to make me a more comfortable, authentic and joyous version of me—happier in my own skin, truer to my own self than I'd ever been before. If I was completley wrong, then I could reverse into the closet from which I came and hie there FOREVER. Just kidding. Never. I refuse to go back behind that door, among all those hideous teenage clothes. What was I thinking?!

Now are you ready for me to drop this large cliché bomb? Okay, here goes: once out of the closet, it gets better. BOOM! WHOOSH! Cliché dropped. But really, it's true. The only reason you hear people say that line so frequently is because there's a truth in those words (at least for me and those I know). The initial shock of coming out was strange and a bit uncomfortable. But after a few weeks, everything got so much better. The best way to describe it is that I simply felt light, free of a burdensome secret that was weighing on not only my mind but my entire being. After I was able to utter the words "I am gay" to other people, I was overcome with relief, as if saying those words purged built-up toxins from my body. I felt alive again. Healed from the inside. Renewed. Empowered. But allow me to backtrack. I'm sure you want to hear the whole truth and noth-

Copyright © 2017 by Connor Franta from NOTE TO SELF

Published by Atria Books/Keywords

Press a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. 

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