15 Most Ridiculous Real Housewives Taglines Ever

3.11.2014

By Stacy Lambe

From turtle time to statistics about breast implants...

Images: Bravo

On the upcoming season of The Real Housewives of New York (which returns Mar. 11 on Bravo), all of the women updated their taglines reminding us just how many great quotes there have been over the years. But Ramona Singer, Aviva Drescher and Sonja Morgan didn't necessarily upgrade their one-sentence summaries about their lives. In fact, all three of them rank high on our list of the most outrageous taglines, which were pulled from 33 seasons of Housewives. Thirty-three seasons?! That's a lot of "turn, look to camera and 'it's Turtle Time!'"

15. Taylor Armstrong, Beverly Hills, season 3

Desparation is never sexy or entertaining, especially not for Taylor's final season on the show.

14. Melissa Gorga, New Jersey, season 5

Considering the context of Melissa's marital advice book, this one's not only ridiculous, it's also creepy.

13. Phaedra Parks, Atlanta, season 5

We didn't know being a Southern belle meant having the three Bs. Now we know.

12. Joanna Krupa, Miami, season 3

Joanna flips the script on Keri Hilson. Bring on the hater-ade. 

11. Alexis Bellino, Orange County, season 6

For Alexis, this tagline is her holy trinity.

10. Heather Thomson, New York, seasons 5-6

While the beginning of her tagline has changed, one thing has remained the same: Holla! Holla? Maybe don't. 

9. Carlton Gebbia, Beverly Hills, season 4

I refuse to believe that Carlton is knowingly making a Bob Dylan reference. Though, I do believe she's living it. 

8. Catherine Ommanney, D.C., season 1

Your tagline should never be an omen about your presence on the show. 

7. Brandi Glanville, Beverly Hills, season 3

There's something oddly true about this statement in Brandi's case. But there's also just something odd about it.

6. Lydia McLaughlin, Orange County, season 8

The only thing worse than hollaring in your tagline is YOLO-ing.

5. Sonja Morgan, New York, season 6

Has Sonja ever worn underwear? Is that something we ever wanted to think about? 

4. Aviva Drescher, New York, seasons 6

Puns in taglines can be good but not when it's about your prosthetic leg that were certain will be used as a weapon in this upcoming season.  

3. Kimberly Bryant, Orange County, season 1

Facts! Statistics! Wait, this isn't an educational show. 

2. Ramona Singer, New York, season 6

It's fun that Ramona is playing her with her image focused on getting drunk in a turtle-themed bar but c'mon Ramona, focus on that Target line of Pinot. Get the product placement in. 

1. Lauri Waring Peterson, Orange County, season 1

Why should the police be involved? Is this The Real Housewives of Orange is the New Black?

And with that, we have to ask, "If you were a housewife, what would your tagline be?"

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