Fashion Week Explodes with Blond Ambition!

9.9.2013

By Michael Musto

Plus: Village People Cowboy Marries! LuPone Dissed!

Photo credit: Scott Ewalt

NYC Fashion Week has arrived with all its bells, whistles, feathers, and gift bags, and for your sake, I’ve managed to cut through all the uppity attitude and get right to the heart of the fun.

The gay couple the Blonds—Phillipe and David Blond—always provide a giddy high point with their sparkly show, and this Wednesday’s one sounds even more blindingly memorable than usual. The Blonds—who’ve dressed Beyoncé, Gaga, Barbie, and even some divas with two names—told me they’re doing the show as a tribute to famous blondes like Madonna, Jane Fonda (in Barbarella), Marie Antoinette, and Tweety Bird. That’s a lot of cartoon characters!

“We want to take everyone on a journey to outer space,” said Phillipe. “We took our favorite blondes from animation, film, art, and pop culture. This is our 10th show, and we really wanted to do something that was a celebration of everything we’ve done, but bigger and more insane. We want it to be super colorful and have a good time with it.”

“We love what we do,” interjected David Blond. “Even when it is hard and challenging, it’s all good fun.” And they’ve gotten some shiny celeb attendees to add even more glitz to their shows, like a high-heeled Lil’ Kim (who almost cut my foot off when she accidentally stepped on it once—I was thrilled!) and Adam Lambert, smiling through mascara and looking fine.

“I have no idea who’s coming this time,” Phillipe admitted to me. “I’ve been telling them not to tell me.” I guess it’s less nerve wracking that way. But when Lil’ Kim came, the Blonds not only knew, they customized her outfit at the last minute. “But she got the scissors herself and cut her feathers,” said Phillipe, admiringly. Maybe she can whip up some stitches for my fabulous foot!

Now please indulge me as I get over my (Calvin Klein) obsession and file my very last report on Nick Gruber, I swear. Nick has worn Calvin Klein inside out—I mean he’s worn his Calvin Kleins inside out—so he was a natural to model during Fashion Week, especially with his new face and sparkly whites, all paid for by mack daddy Calvin. This has all been part of the “I’m cleaning up my image” campaign for Nick, which naturally includes telling the world he’s NOT GAY!

Well, Nick’s ex, John Luciano—who did the reality show with Nick that I teased you about last week—actually corroborated that to me recently, saying, “He’s gay for pay! Nick is straight. He would fuck Betty White over Zac Efron.” (Well, so would I. In fact, I’ve fucked Betty White, and she happens to be quite a firecracker. Kidding. She wasn’t that good.) 

Aaaanyway, I think Nick should embrace “bisexual,” not “buysexual,” but whatever his sexuality, one label he does endorse is Malan Breton’s. Malan is a gay designer known for Project Runway, and since Nick was modeling for him on Saturday, I naturally showed up, cruising for a bruising. But the ex-boy toy didn’t make a scene. He obediently stood there, looking pretty, if way shorter than the other 19 male models on display. Adding to his distinction, some of the guys wore brocaded knickers and shiny pink jackets, but Nick broodingly sported a dark suit, with red tie and natty little pocket square. Calvin would have moistened himself.

Nick almost modeled for Zang Toi too, but Zang told me that, while Nick was sweet and has a great look, “He was not right for the ballet theme of the collection.” Perhaps he’s better for NOT GAY bars than ballet barres?

IT TAKES A VILLAGE PERSON

The YES, GAY Randy Jones—the original cowboy from the disco superhero group the Village People—is doing the “macho man” thing and marrying his longtime partner, Will Grega (a vice president at Bank of America). Randy told me he met Will 30 years ago when the cowboy was interviewing people for a proposed TV show that was loosely based on the People. (Will—who was a waiter at the Russian Tea Room—wanted to be involved in the show’s musical aspect.) “It was St. Patrick’s Eve,” remembers Randy. “We went for green drinks, things got a little blurry, and we’ve never been apart since.” I’m green myself—with gay envy.

The wedding will take place this Friday at City Hall, followed by invitational events at Serendipity and the DL (but not the Y.M.C.A.). And as long as we’re talking fashion, Randy told me he’ll definitely wear his trademark cowboy hat during the ceremony. Without it, he’d be even more naked than Betty White and I were last night, lol.

DO CRY FOR HER, ARGENTINA

Another ‘70s survivor, Tony winner Patti LuPone, must be wearing some very tough skin these days. She reportedly had to audition for the Dianne Wiest role in the Broadway musical of Woody Allen’s Bullets over Broadway. That’s shocking enough, but even more so is the fact that she didn’t get the part! A Broadway board regular says Patti is telling people that an hour after her tryout, she got a call saying Woody just doesn’t see her as the character. I totally disagree, but I guess I’ll listen to the Helen Sinclair in my head urging, “Don’t speak!” 

Oh, and I hear Tony winner Faith Prince got a dis of her own when she received a message from the director of Broadway’s Annie revival, chastising her for playing Miss Hannigan for laughs. Horrors! That’s like playing Hamlet for pathos! Oh, I forgot. This production is an attempt at a more naturalistic Annie, right? I guess that rules out a job for Tweety Bird.

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