I am walking alongside dozens of young men and women who are carrying coolers and beer bongs to an area on South Padre Island, Texas, called Coca-Cola Beacha stretch of sand that the soda giant clearly wants a slice of, and no wonder: The sun is starting to poke through, prompting any number of guys along the way to take off their shirts. Theres so much Abercrombie and American Eagle on display I wonder if these companies are also sponsoring spring break. Ground zero, the place is mobbed with college-age students listening to music and sunningbut mostly drinking. A lot. Also on display at the beach are recruitment areas for the National Guard and the U.S. Navy. I am in my own personal hell.
Mantra Entertainment, the multimillion-dollar company behind the Girls Gone Wild and Guys Gone Wild DVDsfeaturing (mostly) hot college-age people exposing themselves in a variety of settingshas set me up as security for the female Guys crew. Although I am skeptical that guys performing dick tricks would believe I could kick their asses, the opportunity to witness dozens of hotties stripping is too hard to pass up.
At Coca-Cola Beach we meet up with Rachel and Isabelle (not their real names), the Guys Gone Wild camera girls on assignment for three weeks on South Padre. Both girls are gorgeous, fearless, and disarmingly teasing. Within minutes they are walking up to random hotties on the beach and starting up conversations. Rachel struts up to a buff boy with a green baseball cap and taps him on the ass. He turns around. Hi, she says with a smile. Im Rachel. This scenario plays out in several ways, usually leading to the ladies saying something like, Have you ever heard of Girls Gone Wild? Well, were GUYS Gone Wild! or Were doing sort of a documentary
More often than not, the guys do an interview for the camera. Since we are on a beach in public, they only take their shirts off, talk a bit, and flex for the lens. Sounds sexy, right? The earsplitting music and the combined stench of omnipresent Porta Pottis and body odor suck the sexiness right out of the scene.
If the guys are shy or want to meet up at night, Rachel takes their numbers and punches them into her cell phone, then starts texting them later. All these guys have the same name: Jeffrey, Jason, JeremyI have four Jasons, she says with a sigh as we head back to the hotel. She begins text-messaging a fleet of lads she met over the past several days. The girls hope to get some good scenes set upextra flesh means bonus pay, and if one guy decides to pleasure himself on camera, thats a lot of extra green. Rachels hoping to score a scene with a guy nicknamed Magnum because of the size he has boasted aboutnot to mention his lack of inhibition.
The girls have been doing it for years, Rachel says when I ask about the exploitation of these fine men. Its equal opportunity.
We dont have the guys do anything they dont feel comfortable doing, adds Isabelle. And we tell them if they change their minds, well cut it.
We lost one great scene because the guy came up the next day and said he didnt want us to show it, Rachel reveals. It was too bad, but were not going to do that to him.
I have to wonder how excited these guys would be to pose knowing that men would be among Guyss most ardent admirers. From the products inception we knew a portion of our sales would be from men, Bill Horn, who oversees publicity for Mantra Entertainment, has confided to me, but we were surprised it was such a significant amount. There are no exact figures, but Ive been told its around 50%.
After a dinner break, at around 9 p.m., Bill and I meet up with the girls again at their base camp, the Bahia Mar Resort. We are going on a room raid, which essentially means we just walk around the hotel with the camera and see what we find.
It doesnt take long for us to come upon a large group drinking and chilling on the grass in front of their room. Isabelle sets her sights on a slight blond cutie. As the conversation gets going, a small crowd forms around the twosome. Lets go somewhere more private, she says to Slight Blond, dragging him around the corner. When Blond looks at me nervously, Isabelle just shrugs: Hes security. Dont worry. Somehow, despite the fact that on the inside I feel like the gayest man on earth, to this guy (and others later) I do in fact look like I could be security, and he seems more at ease.
But not for long. It only takes a matter of seconds before his friends find us, and they cluster where Isabelle is trying to make a connection. A seriously cute guy is standing in front of me with his girlfriend looking on. Why do you want to see that? she asks him. I just want to see what hes doing, replies Seriously Cute Guy as he lazily puts his hand down the front of his board shorts. He seems to be unconsciously playing with himself right in front of me. I guess its the equivalent of straight guys looking at each other in a locker room or at the urinal to see how they measure up. Or maybe it gives them license to explore where they fall on the Kinsey scale. Or maybe theyre all just gay and need to deal.
A few minutes later Slight Blond has grown way too uncomfortable with all the eyes and has slipped away, leaving one of his (significantly less attractive) friends to streak through the parking lot of the hotelcaught on camera, naturally. Its almost like a snowball effect: Once one guy shows interest, everyone wants to get in on the act. This actually leads to the first great get of the evening, when Seriously Cute decides he wants to show a little skin. Hes already shirtless, displaying his sculpted torso, and soon hes lowering his board shorts, revealing just a glimpse of what Bill and I had seen him playing with moments before. I feel crazy, he offers.
Youre drunk, his girlfriend sighs.
Im not that drunk, Seriously Cute shoots back as he turns around, lowering the shorts and revealing a perfect ass. The girlfriend just rolls her eyes, and soon the two walk away arm in arm. And Seriously Cute Guy has a hat.
Oh, yeah, thats right. All these boys get in exchange for their flesh show is a Girls Gone Wild hat (and only if they show something extrai.e., ass or dick). Sometimes they get a tank top. Thats it. No money changes hands. No sexual favors are received.
Its now around 10:30 p.m., so we schlep (OK, the girls schlep) the camera and battery packs over to the Travelodge conveniently located next door, where a group of close to a dozen guys on the second floor are leaning over the balcony, watching us approach.
Are you with Girls Gone Wild? one of them yells.
No, Isabelle shouts back. Were with GUYS Gone Wild!
You can instantly sense the energy between the boys rise as a few of them come downstairs to greet us. One Goofy Guy with a sweet face and a lean build tells Isabelle he wants to go wild. As we stand in the middle of a parking lot, our group maneuvers between a couple cars. Just as hes whipping it out, I notice a truck coming toward us from the other side of the parking lot. What looks odd is the second set of headlights on top of the vehicle. Bill, I say calmly. I think security may be coming.
Isabelle, Bill says. Isabelle
She doesnt respond as Goofy Guy shows herand the cameraa Texas belt buckle (it involves wrapping the dick around the balls in a freakish way). Finally, Bill goes up behind her and says Security! just in time for her to grab Goofy Guy and duck out of view. This is also the moment when we realize it isnt a security truck. It is the police.
Please go back inside the building immediately, the officers announce over their loudspeaker, or we will begin doing sobriety tests. Watching the boys scatter, its as if someone has shouted Lesbian strippers are making out inside your rooms!
Sneaking upstairs, Rachel immediately gravitates toward a sexy boy with tousled blond hairwhose name, wed learn, is Jeffrey (giving credence to Rachels redundant-name theory). Within minutes Rachel is walking into his room. I catch her glance and she nods. I follow the pair into a room that strikes me as being what the Abbey in West Hollywood, Calif., or Splash in New York City must look like after a busy Saturday night: There are at least a dozen empty 12-packs of beer, a keg, and a dresser covered in empty liquor bottles.
Do you work out? Rachel says to Jeffrey shortly after he takes his shirt off.
I try to, he says, smiling.
Do you think you have a good body? she teases.
Lets see more of it, she suggests, and Im not about to argue.
All of it, she says. Everything, really.
I guess Moments later Jeffrey drops his pants, revealing gray cotton boxers.
I like those little boxers. I see something thats not little, Rachel says, pointing to the bulge in his crotch. The gray boxers go down too, revealing that there are many great things about Jeffrey.
At this point one could speculate, These guys are so drunk, they dont know what theyre doing. And looking around a room strewed with empties, that might appear to be the case. But once Jeffrey finishes going wild, Rachel switches into professional gear, battening down every legal hatch. With these guys needing to coherently answer five questions on camera (all of which say, in one way or another, I know what Im getting myself into), state their Social Security number, sign a document on camera, and provide a photo ID, there are so many caveats its impossible to believe these guys arent aware of the ramifications of their actions.
So Jeffrey finishes signing his lifeI mean, imageover to Guys Gone Wild, and suddenly its like a revolving door into the room. In comes Goofy Guy again to show us how he can do the helicopter with his penis (thats when you swing it around like a propeller). Another lad follows to show us the elephant: He turns the pockets of his cargo shorts inside out, opens up his fly, and takes his dick out. Its a parade of penises. And each boy gleefully answers all the questions and signs the release without hesitation.
As midnight closes in, we head back to the Bahia Mar. While Rachel is texting Magnum and others to see where they are, Isabelle begins chasing down a couple of potentials who then decide they dont want to get wild.
We head to the mezzanine of the hotel. Rachels got Magnum on the line, and hes going to come to the hotel. Its close to 2 a.m. We may be able to end the day on a high note.
Magnum shows up in the lobby a few minutes latervery cute and clean-cut. Hes ready and willing to do a scene, and he doesnt care that the girls will have security with them. Of course, theres a hitch: He doesnt have his own room. And the ladies share a room with the Girls Gone Wild camera crew also on location.
Isabelle begins working the desk clerks, desperately searching for an empty room we can use for just an hour to catch Magnum in action. Rachel goes to help her, and Magnum comes over to me. Dude, he says, you work for Girls Gone Wild? You must love your job. Well50% of it.
Exactly, I reply, not clarifying which 50%. Isabelle finally charms her way into getting two keys. We head up to the first empty room and discover it is not empty. Far from it. Although no one is home, the TV is blaring and there are clothes scattered about as if a small tornado had hit the place. Strike 1. We head to the second room and discover the exact same thing. Strike 2. Just then, a fire alarm begins going off. And were out.
We go back to the lobby, trying to figure out a way to salvage the night, but it is after 2:30 a.m. and we are all exhausted. Magnum or no Magnum, we cant be wild for one second longer, so we all head to bed. Thus ends my career as security for Guys Gone Wild.
Ever since I returned to civilization people have asked me, Was it hot? Did you have fun? Out of 12 hours scouting, there were maybe five minutes of the boy buffet I had been craving. Is that hot? Is that fun? Like many events recorded for the camera, its hotter and more fun to just watch it at home.
See some of Epsteins adventures yourself when the three new Wild titlesHunk Hotel, Pool Party, and Bad to the Bonehit stores this August.
Photos: MANTRA Films, Inc.