On Friday, Taylor Swift unleased her Reputation on the world and it is unsurprisingly a well-written, slickly produced, ostentatiously expensive piece of pop perfection.
Swift is obviously a controversial figure, so when Out asked a gay Taylor Swift superfan to give their honest review of Reputation, the fan in question had two stipulations: that they could remain anonymous ("the stans are crazy and I don't need the receipts") and that each track could be reviewed in 140 characters or less. Because if you can't give an in-depth analysis of a Taylor Swift song in the length of a single tweet, are you even a Swifty? And yes, that is actually what her fans call themselves.
For the purposes of this review, in case anyone from the Witness protection program wants to know, we'll call our intrepid reviewer firstname.lastname@example.org. All capitalization is not only intended but important, and may in fact hold a secret message.
1. "...Ready for It?" the old taylor can't come to the phone rn bc the new taYlor is a rapper?
2. "End Game (ft. Ed Sheeran and Future)" conceptual strategy: beat kanye at his Own game.
3. "I Did Something Bad" fuck. fuck. fUck me up. (fire emoji)
4. "Don't Blame Me" taylor did not get donald trump elected pResident.
5. "Delicate" alcohoL (and the consumption thereof) is emerging as a potent theme on this album. #same
6. "Look What You Made Me Do" stunt noun 1. an Action displaying spectacular skill and daring. 2. something unusual done to attract attention.
7. "So it Goes..." We were all very drunk listening to this song and people kept turning the lights on
8. "Gorgeous" this would be a good single
9. "Getaway Car" we're back in a way more self-reflexive 1980s but dang like srY tommm
10. "King of My Heart" shE is really in love with joe it is so beautiful
11. "Dancing With Our Hands Tied" gentle bondage neveR goes out of style?
12. "Dress" ooooooooooooooooooooh
13. "This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" oh Shit boo wowww okay yeah i see what's going on here
14. "Call It What You Want" i am really in love with my boyfriend it is so beaUtiful
15. "New Year's Day" *silence* *tears from everyone* this is a beautiful and aggressive piece of Capitalist performance art. thanKs tS.