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Open Call: Who Wants to Personally Soothe Sam Smith’s Sunburn?

Sam Smith

Two words: Aloe vera

Pity poor Sam Smith. I never thought I'd type those words. He's one of the hottest singers in the music industry, just lost a weight, and turns out he's BFFs with Chaka Khan.

But yes, we ought to pity the young Brit, because, while in Miami, Smith got himself one hell of a sunburn. He posted photos to Instagram earlier this week showing him doing his best impression of a lobster.

The sun burn is REAL right now #tooenglish

A photo posted by Sam Smith (@samsmithworld) on

A photo posted by Sam Smith (@samsmithworld) on

But the 23-year-old shouldn't fret, because I'm here to help.

Sam (can I call you Sam?), you're probably going through some serious pain right now -- there's no way that's not gonna peel -- and as a fellow member of the Pasty Posse, I know exactly how you feel. I've been there. Wearing anything but terrycloth is utter torture, moving around is agony, and people won't stop bringing up how sunburned you are (or writing articles about it).

I have experienced this many times and have become a pro at sunburn treatment. So I'll make you an offer. I will personally fly down to Florida and help you heal your sunburn. We can just hang out in your hotel room, put on a couple of bathrobes, and I will personally apply aftersun oil to any and all affected areas. I'm a gentle touch and pretty handy when it comes to these things.

Whaddya think? Maybe mull it over and get back to me.

Have Aloe, Will Travel,


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