Sex and the City Two: The Most Panned Movie Since Ishtar

The Reviews are in' and they stink. Somehow we don't expect the following will make on to the promotional ads in this weekend's newspapers.

'The film is an epic eyesore. It's as if they set out to make a movie that said, 'You're right! We are hideous!' ' David Edelstein, New York Magazine

'Sex and the City: The Sands of Time' begins with a wedding and never seems to end. Your watch will tell you that a shade less than two and a half hours have elapsed, but you may be shocked at just how much older you feel when the whole thing is over. Liza Minnelli's version [of 'All the Single Ladies' is in no way superior to the one in 'Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel,' and it is somehow both the high point of 'Sex and the City 2' and a grim harbinger of what is to come.' 'A.O.Scott, New York Times

'Quite incredibly boring.' 'Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian

'Thanks to writer-director Michael Patrick King, I now have a fair idea how it might feel to be stoned to death with scented candles.' 'Cliff Doerksen, Chicago Reader

'It would have been more merciful for writer-director Michael Patrick King to have rented Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda out to the 'Saw' franchise, or to Rob Zombie, so we could watch them get shot in the head or skinned alive by Arkansas rednecks. Instead of that, we get something that's truly sadistic: the SATC girls as haggard specters, haunted by their freewheeling '90s past and stupefied by the demands of work, marriage and/or motherhood.' ' Andrew O'Hehir, Salon.com

'Judging from that interminable, painfully forced sequence, in which every homophobic stereotype is indulged, overstated and beaten to within an inch of its reductive life, a thread of self-hatred animates this "Sex and the City" that was only hinted at in previous incarnations.' 'Ann Hornaday, Washington Post

'For a good 20 minutes, the plot comes to a complete stop as the girls ooh and aah over first-class plane cabins, hotel grounds of Versailles-like proportions, and dusky manservants. This section resembles nothing so much as one of those glossy 20-page 'advertorials' that sometimes appear in the Sunday Times magazine, touting the cosmopolitan lifestyle and business-friendly tax policies of some Middle Eastern nation or other.' ' Dana Stevens, Slate.com

'It's worse than Sex and the City 1, and that alone is a remarkable achievement.' 'Rick Groen, The Globe & Mail

'Sarah Jessica Parker is now 45 years old, and, frankly, I cannot stomach another moment of the simpering, mincing, hair-tossing, eyelash-batting little-girl shtick she's been pulling ever since she emerged, with considerably more verve and charm, as a high-colonic Malibu Barbie opposite Steve Martin in L.A. Story.' 'Ella Taylor, Village Voice

'When did Sex and the City become so long and mean so little?' 'Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly

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