Karl Lagerfeld Says the Darndest Things

Karl Lagerfeld is quite possibly the only person on Earth busier than James Franco. He designs for three fashion labels, is curating/editing books on photography, is a photographer himself -- shooting all his campaigns, and is now directing commercials for ice cream (which he won't eat, mind you). In the midst of all this madness, The Kaiser found thirty spare minutes to chat with the folks at W Magazine, and boy are we glad. That man is so out of his gourd it's brilliant. Whether he's explaining that he has someone shampoo his hair and put it in a ponytail every morning, or revealing that his fall Chanel collection was foreshadowing to the Japanese earthquake or divulging that his cold, hard heart never lets him shed a tear anymore (unless there's an onion around) he's eccentric opulence at its very best. Oh, Karl, there's no one else in the world like you. We mean it.

Here are a few highlights below, but seriously, you should read the whole thing here when you have the chance.

Do you eat it [ice creamd]?
I would love to if I was allowed to eat sugar, but my doctor told me that sugar wasn't needed for me so I haven't touched it in ten years. I also did the ad for Dom Perignon and I don't drink alcohol, but I think it's a very civilized drink.

Do you crave sugar?
No. Gone. But I like chocolate. I don't eat it, but I like the smell of it. People can drink with their eyes; I can eat with my nose. I would love to have a perfume based on chocolate.

Do you ever think about cutting your hair?
No, because I'm afraid it won't grow again. And I'm not very gifted for hairdos. This is the quickest thing in the world. It takes less than five seconds.

Do you do it yourself?
No, I have someone who comes to the house and washes it, puts in the dry shampoo, and takes care if it because I have no time. I don't even have time to go to the dentist. I'm busy but in a pleasant way. I'm the one who wanted to do all of it, so I can't complain.

You seem to have a love/hate relationship with technology. You have hundreds of iPods but you don't use a computer. You correspond by fax.
There are people who only have a fax because of me.

Well, because it's so outdated!
Well, I don't want to be in-fashion.

The fall Chanel collection was rather dark, apocalyptic...
It was three days before the earthquake in Japan. It was right for the moment. But that's what I felt. It's instinctual. A collection is about what one feels, whatever it is.

When are you happiest?
Happiness is like a fever. I don't take the temperature.

When was the last time you cried?
I'm trying to think of the last time I had onions.