The Queer Week in Review: 11/9-11/13

Vapid Vacancy Who knew the hope for our world's future would come from down under? After Australia called "tool of Satan" Britney Spears out for doing, essentially, nothing (can't sing or dance, according to the Aussies) New Zealand got in on the act by attacking another of our precious, airhead "celebs," Paris Hilton. A billboard company, advertising its available rental space, posted a photo of the heiress with the word Vacant under her face. Now that's a little truth in advertising. Now if only some of this clear-headedness could start flowing north...

Blonde Chicks Rule! In news of talented blondes, Carrie Underwood rocked as co-host (with cowboy-hatted Brad Paisley) at the Country Music Awards Wednesday night. The Oklahoma girl looked pretty glam in each of her 10 (!) outfits, though Jesus must have lost control of the wheel when he saw the American Idol winner give a whorehouse-inspired performance of her new hit "Cowboy Casanova." And 19-year-old Taylor Swift swept the awards claiming wins for Album of the Year (Fearless), Music Video of the Year ("Love Story"), Female Vocalist of the Year (which is kind of odd, because for as talented as she is as a songwriter, her vocals aren't her strongest asset -- though it appears she does indeed actually do the singing herself!) and the big one: Entertainer of the Year. She's the youngest artist to ever claim that title. And she has Taylor Lautner. How do I get this girl's life?

Miley Goes Gay The only pop star who can likely understand just what Swift's life is like these days is Miley Cyrus. And though she's only 16 and making many "mistakes" that many 16-year-olds (boys and girls) might make, the girl that Timbaland tells Entertainment Weekly is going to be the next Justin Timberlake (saying, "She comes from that same musical background, where she's just got it. Her voice is just there. The best way to put it is she's special.") might just want to keep in mind that she's got a lotta gay boys and girls (tweens and otherwise) as fans. At a recent concert in Kentucky, it appears (the operative word here) that she substituted the word gay for games in her hit song "7 Things," singing "You're vain / you're gay." Now, this doesn't mean she's a raging homophobe. A lot of people (including some gays I know) use the word gay to mean lame. I've never understood that, but I also don't find it necessarily offensive. She should, however, be aware how much power she has over young people. She's like Spider-man. She has a lot of power, which means she has a lot of responsibility. So use your powers for good, gurl!

Life Beyond Palin and Playgirl Porn may not be the highest achievement Levi Johnston is aiming for. While his Playgirl spread is set to infest the Internet next week, he's told New York magazine that he's thinking of pursuing a career in country music. With his days in rural Alaska, he'd at least know what he was singing about.

Another Golden Girl Gone? Hot on the heels of the news that Rue McClanahan had to bow out of an event set to celebrate everything Rue last week due to heart surgery comes news that Betty White's health is in trouble. At least on television. TVGuideMagazine.com reported that the erstwhile Rose Nylund's days may by numbered on daytime soap The Bold & the Beautiful. Ann Douglas, mother to Susan Flannery's matriarch Stephanie and Alley Mills' daffy Pam, returns to L.A. next week for a few days and it just may be because her health is failing. Luckily, White's pluckier than that: She's set to be honored with the 2009 Screen Actors Guild Life Achievement Award.

-- HARKER JONES

Previously > The Queer Week in Review: 11/2-11/6