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Project Runway: Baby On Bored

Now for the bad news: stuffy-nosed Mitchell got another pass (second in as many weeks) for his janky garment execution. This guy made a pair of shorts that would fit my fat ass and then put them on a tiny little model outfitted with an 8 1/2 month-style pillow so that they billowed out in that way that clothes for the chubbified always do. All episode long I thought, "Give that boy a Claritin and send him home." But it was not to be. Instead they aborted my current favorite, Malvin.

And for what? For making a weird, complicated, feathered, bird-and-yet-also-kangaroo-like giant egg-shaped pouchy Baby Bjorn thing that looked like it might assist the new mom in literally vomiting fresh worms into her fluffy new chicks's wide-open beaks? Is being nerdishly visionary a crime now? Shouldn't it always trump boredom and bad construction?

Furthermore, Malvin was responsible for two of the show's more adorable moments. The opening sequence, where he turns his room's curtains into his own personal marsupialish hideway to avoid being unclothed for the camera, was pretty awesome. And while defending his bizarro concept for the all-lady judging panel, every one of them shot back hilariously patronizing glances. Collective thought bubble: "Aww, so cute that he's never actually spoken to a woman in real life before." They were the rocky place where his seed could find no purchase.


Previously > Judging Lindsay Lohan's Judging on Project Runway

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Noah Michelson