Chris Klein arrives to pick up the mantle left behind by van Damme. He has never made acting look more difficult: the man had trouble getting out of a car. I seriously am concerned that he might have a neurological condition.
The movie can't figure out if it wanted to be X Men or Planet Terror -- I wish it had boldly chosen the latter and gone with it. However, there is one bright spot in the darkness: if you have ever had lesbionic fantasies involving Lana Lang, Kreuk takes to the dance floor in a club scene to seduce the crime boss's second-in-command....who's a lady. After performing some synchronized mating moves, she slinks off to the bathroom, gesturing for femme mobster to follow, and I was really hoping for a repeat of the Rebecca Romijn bathroom scene of Femme Fatale. Instead there was a decent fight scene in a gorgeously designed bathroom, which is a decent runner-up. Get yourself pumped up for kicking ass this week and save yourself some time and money and watch the best Lana Lang fight scenes already helpfully collected for our consumption in the video above
-- A. RAYMOND JOHNSON
Previously > Woe and Wretchedness: The NeverEnding Story gets remade
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