Remake Clue and someone's going to have to die!

My little brother spent most of his childhood watching Clue. I'm not exaggerating when I say there was a period of time when he would put the by then lovingly abused VHS tape into our VCR and recite the entire script as the film played out. Once the movie was over, he'd toddle up, hit rewind, wait for the whir of the machine to cease, and start all over again.

While I was never as quite as hooked (my brother has a bit of an obsessive, eccentric personality -- he also spent much of his childhood convinced that aliens were coming to abduct him three or four nights a week) on Clue, I've always loved the film. The acting is brilliant (a special nod to Tim Curry but really -- there isn't a dud in the bunch), the script is genius, and it's one of those rare movies that no matter how many times you watch it, every time you catch something new you've never seen before.

Now comes word that the fiendish plague which as of late is turning board games into films (Ridley Scott is signed on to direct a version of Monopoly, Platinum Dunes is working developing a movie based on the Ouija board, Ethan Cohen was writing a script for Candyland with Enchanted director Kevin Lima to direct) is breathing its hot, sickly breath down Clue's neck -- and I'm not happy about it.

Pirates of the Caribbean director Gore Verbinski has signed with Universal to direct and produce a new live-action adaptation of the whodunit board game. Which begs the question: Why? Sure, remakes can be fun -- but they're rarely if ever as good as the original. And when a film is as campy and classic as Clue already is -- there's just no reason to mess with a good thing. The very idea of it has me feeling all hate-filled, very much the same way Mrs. White felt about Yvette the French maid:

-- NOAH MICHELSON

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