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20 Rumors Surrounding Lady Gaga's Headlining Coachella Performance

Lady Gaga
Matt Sayles/AP

We've compiled the most reasonable tidbits of gossip. 

If 2017 has proven anything, it's that it's Lady Gaga's world and we're all just living in it. Shortly on the heels of her now record-breaking Super Bowl halftime performance, world tour announcement, "John Wayne" music video, Grammy performance with Metallica, the Joanne singer is now slated to headline Coachella next month. Rumors are running wild on the Internet surrounding the polarizing performer's Coachella set, and we've compiled the 20 most reasonable tidbits of gossip, below:

1. In the vein of her Super Bowl performance's acrobatics, Gaga will arrive on stage by being stuffed and shot from a cannon.

2. A medley performance of "Just Dance/LoveGame/Paparazzi" will feature meticulously placed pyrotechnics and just, like, a 200-foot-tall harp named "Odessa."

3. Gaga's set will possibly include a special, 45-minute extended version of hit single, "Million Reasons," performed from atop a wind turbine.

4. The Sirens from Greek mythology are rumored to have been brought on as backup singers.

5. Rain or shine, the show must go on. But don't fret, should the elements not be on your side--a larger-than-life version of the now iconic pink Joanne hat will serve as a giant canopy to keep you dry from unwanted precipitation.

6. ARTPOP fans rejoice. The entirety of Mother Monster's third studio album will be performed inside a gigantic lava lamp designed by Jeff Koons.

7. Prepare to see a slew of video installations filmed exclusively for Gaga's Coachella performance; one of them is rumored to include a clip of Marina Abramovic wearing a floral crown and screaming.

8. An entire Cracker Barrel Old Country Store is being driven out and will serve as the backdrop for the performance of "A-YO."

9. "You and I" will be performed from a piano that's been custom-attached to a Winnebago encrusted in 3,000,000 Swarovski crystals.

10. The key-change in "Perfect Illusion" will cure the rash you got from the yurt you AirBnB'd.

11. A massive papier-mache sea horse

12. An extended runway is being constructed from a special sturdy, gelatinous substance that is supposedly going to spell out, "BUY JOANNE ON ITUNES" in a cursive or cursive-adjacent-style font.

13. To bring the aesthetic of Gaga's "John Wayne" music video to life, her Coachella performance of the track will feature sexy dancers firing bottles of beers from a t-shirt cannon into the audience.

14. Mermen.

15. A gay coalition will reportedly come together during the performance of "Diamond Heart" and spell out, "MAKE THIS SONG YOUR NEXT SINGLE," across their chests.

16. Rumor has it Versace is custom-designing all of Gaga's looks, including a dress with a train so long it has to be held up by a hot air balloon and a reversible sequin corset that spells out, "COME TO MAMA."

17. The outfit for "Alejandro" will feature an industrial-strength bra made out of an element that hasn't even been discovered yet.

18. A special performance of "Telephone" featuring a highly anticipated appearance by Beyonce (albeit, due to her pregnancy, Facetimed and displayed on a regal-looking, electronic display blimp).

19. A finale performance of "Bad Romance" that will make everyone jump up and down in unison so hard, the ground will give in and the crowd will fall into a huge ball pit filled with free merch.

20. An armada of pride-themed ambulances will await to take any gays to the hospital from being so "shook" from Gaga's Coachella performance they have been rendered unable to move.

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