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The Cold List

In Outs June Hot Issue, we let you in on all the people, places, and things that are going to sizzle this summer. But what about those must-avoids? To save you from pain and despair, we offer a few items we advise you to steer clear of at all costs. Dont say we didnt warn you. Coldest Movie Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties We adore Jennifer Love Hewitt as much as the next fag, but watch Ghost Whisperer reruns. Buy Party of Five DVDs. Hell, listen to her song How Do I Deal 50 times in a row. Anything would be better than watching this movie. Coldest Summer Series So You Think You Can Dance: Season Two Were shocked Fox thinks we can care about this show. Coldest Fashion Trend Layering T-shirts This may be cute and acceptable if you are in high school or college. If youre not, please stop doing this at once. It doesnt make you look any younger. We swear. Coldest Behavior Talking on Cell Phones in Elevators In case you didnt know, no one wants to hear about your hot date, how youre running late, or whats happening with your stock portfolio. Especially not in a small, confined space with limited oxygen that youre rapidly depleting. Coldest Rapper Busta Rhymes After freaking out over a gay guy tapping him on the shoulder at a Miami restaurantand then having his burly security guards push the guy awayRhymes can hip hop his ass back to the homophobic rock he crawled out from under. Coldest Catchphrase So Brokeback We thought the movie was great too, but does that mean we have to encode it into the language to imply things are gay? So lame. Coldest Vacation Destination St. Maarten Despite its warm climes, when two male American tourists were brutally gay bashed on the island, police allegedly did nothing about it (they didnt even show up when the crime was reported). Us? Were heading to Puerto Vallarta. Coldest Grooming Trend Manscaping Trimming is fine. But some of you boys are getting out of control. Besides, hairy chests are back. So skip the waxing. You look good to us. Coldest Summer Book Manliness Harvey C. Mansfields new conservative tome promises to examine manliness as is most needed in these effeminate, anti-manly times. Hey, who you calling effeminate, bitch? Coldest Tunes Barry Manilow/Live: Legacy Edition (remastered) We were going to suggest Clay Aikens new album, hoping hed set a few things ahem straight, but his label yanked his summer record release plans. So we go with Barry, who we hear is reading a new book by Harvey C. Mansfield as we write.
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