Project Runway: Hospital Food, Size 0
By Noah Michelson
Spoilery results from last night’s episode:
Anthony won the challenge of Put Heidi in a Dress on The Cover of Marie Claire. Ben’s outfit was better, more sophisticated and harder-edged. But Anthony’s was teal and flappy, which will have the effect of tempering its wearer’s barely-concealed inner ball-buster. (Nina quote of the week: “I don’t necessarily see Heidi as sweet.”) It doesn’t hurt his chances that Anthony is already everyone’s favorite sassy Southern queen, an expert at the sharp-intake Gay Gasp and a man who spends his free time reading (and occasionally slapping other people with) his Bible. Ben’s main non-workroom hobby seems to be perfecting the drape of his apparently endless personal stock of summer man-scarves.
Not that cute keeps you safe forever. Anna got kicked off and who was sweeter than her? Maybe only Janeane, who squealed and clapped when Anthony won and cried when Anna left. Those might have been stress-tears, though, since Janeane was in the bottom two herself.
Other than that, last night’s workroom was pretty dour, quiet and lumpy. Thankfully, Joanna Coles, Editor-in-Chief of Marie Claire, jazzed up the evening when she deigned to stop by and brutalize the contestants. Her best judge-quotes, made even stabbier because of her Cold British Ladyness:
- “It’s like three ingredients in a dish that leave you feeling slightly nauseous.”
- “…it’s a sort of polluted sea with plastic bottles in it.”
- “The main color of the dress was hospital food.”
Bring her back for the finale please.
Models of The Runway, meanwhile, has turned into my morning-after shit chaser to my weekly intake of PR. I’m a Brandise fan because a dog bit her face once and she was like, “Fuck it, I’m still modeling.” And she reminds me of Shane from The L Word. When modeling is over for her she could take a cue from that show and go open a hair salon/smoothie emporium with an indoor skate ramp.
But yeah, you don’t really need to watch it. If someone says something awesome I’ll just post it here. Last night’s best model psych-out line: “I had a dream about you last night and you were just getting fatter and fatter!”
-- DAVE WHITE
Previously > Project Runway: How to Wear a Beef T-Shirt