By Mo Rocca
On the eve of his breakthrough documentary's release, Out caught up with the star of possibly the most offensive movie ever made. So what does Br'no, the world's most famous gay Austrian,* think of all the fuss? And how did he help Arnold Schwarzenegger lose two ounces in five minutes? Mo Rocca dared to ask.
Out: It's good to meet you, Br'no. Before we begin, are there any subjects off-limits today?
Br'no: Zere are a couple of things. I'm basically a shy guy who doesn't really like talking about himself -- ich made zat very clear in all three of mein autobiographies. I vould alzo ask you not to bring up ze subject of my first real boyfriend, Jesper Klindl. I really don't want to talk about him or what happened after ich broke up with him. He killed himself.
I'm so sorry.
Zat's right, committed suicide, all because of little old me! In ze note he left, ich vas mentioned five times -- his mother vas only mentioned once! No big deal, vassever.
Don't worry, we don't have to talk about that.
Did I mention zat he killed himself because I dumped him? He said life vasn't worth living vit out me, und he clearly meant it! I remember his funeral -- ich vore ze most amazing floral print shirt over zese beautiful fawn buckskin hipster pants.
OK, moving on --
I looked great!
-- you are one of Austria's top fashion reporters and now, with the release of your film, you're about to become a global superstar. Where did it all begin?
Ich have alvays been incredibly fabulous -- in ze first ultrasound picture ever taken of me in mein mutter's womb, you can clearly see zat I'd taken ze umbilical cord und wrapped it round my waist with a knot at ze side, like a Marc Jacobs snakeskin serpentine belt.
So you always just knew that you would become Austrian Gay TV's Br'no?
From ze minute I vas born, ich vas destined to be Br'no. Instead of drinking baby milk formula, ich used to snort ze powder. Most babies' first vords are 'mama' or 'dada' -- Br'no's vere, 'I'm gay' -- get 'ber it.'
Let's talk about the film. What do you hope audiences come away with?
If zey're hot black guys, ich am hoping zat zey'll come away upshtehen!
What does the movie say about fashion?
You know ze song zat says 'it doesn't matter vat you wear, just as long as you are zere'? Vell, mein movie says pretty much exactly ze opposite of zat. You know it makes me so angry, ze lack of respect fashion gets. Did you know zat not one world war has ever been started by a model? People should think about that.
Indeed, the movie touches on some pretty hot button issues.
It shows zat besides ze beautiful things in fashion, zere's alzo ein ugly side too. Like some of ze less pretty models und Karl Lagerfeld. OMG, zat guy looks like Boris Yeltsin in drag! He tried to hit on me at Milan last year. Ich told him, 'I don't care how thick your gloves are -- you're not touching it!'
You also address the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. What role could fashion play in brokering peace?
Getting ze fashion community involved is definitely ze only way zat ze fighting vill ever stop. Did you know zat not one suicide bomber has ever blown zemselves up wearing Marc Jacobs? Und zere really is so much both sides can learn from each other fashion wise. Ze Juden have a strong look -- two hats, curly sideburns, thick glasses -- but all zose black heavy coats in ze desert, no vonder they're so uptight. Und ze Palestinischers have great flowing robes, vhich are very forgiving to a fuller figure but really don't prominently display ze merchandise vhen guys are window-shopping. Zis can be frustrating if you're looking to lose some liebecreme in a hurry. No vonder a lot of zose guys are as angry as Nicolas Cage caught vizout his wig on.