Smart Alec


By Jeffrey Epstein

Alec Mapa is pretty damn funny. If you haven't already seen him on UPN's Half and Half, as Gabrielle's buddy on Desperate Housewives, or in the film Connie and Carla, well, then you may not have seen him. Actually Mapa has more credits than the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and you have a chance to catch 'America's Gaysian Sweetheart' performing live'if you happen to be in Los Angeles September 28 or 29. Either way, here Mapa gives you a little sampling, talking about fighting Wilson Cruz, getting peed on, and being impersonated on MySpace.

So why should audiences cough up $20 to see you?
Because otherwise they'd have to watch me do the same rotten jokes over and over again on Logo. Also, I'm not seeing one red cent! All proceeds are going to benefit programs at the Center. So not only do you get an evening of hilarious, heartwarming entertainment, you get a nice little tax deduction. It's for the children.

And will there be nudity?
Yes. I won't be nude per se, but I'll talk about all the naked people I saw in Palm Springs this summer during the Hot 'n' Wet Weekend, which unbeknownst to me was a convention for people who like to get peed on.

You'll be performing at the Lily Tomlin Jane Wagner Cultural Arts Center. Have you ever met Lily Tomlin?
No, godammit, and I've seen all her live shows. I sat next to her during a performance of the 99 Cent Only show at the Evidence Room last Christmas, and I was too starstruck to say hello. It took every bit of willpower for me not to lick her head.

Delicious! Well, now that Half and Half is 'done and over' what do you miss most about UPN?
I miss the Christmas presents from the network. They'd always give us a suitcase of some kind. I think it was their way of saying 'Don't get too comfortable.'

You did a bit role on Desperate Housewives as Gabrielle's great gay friend.
Hey, that wasn't a bit part! I did a whole scene with lines and everything!

That's what we meant. You had a huge part on Desperate Housewives last season. Any chance you'll be back? We want to see more Mapa!
I think I'm coming back in some capacity this season. I say 'I think' because I'm filming a pilot next month for a new reality/game show for CBS called The Singing Office. I take people from corporate environments, fly them out to L.A., and over the course of two days put them in a musical number to be performed in front of a live studio audience. They compete against another office who's gone through the same process and the audience votes for the best 'Singing Office.' How gay is that?

Um. Pretty darn gay.
Apparently in Holland, it's a cultural phenomenon. I told the producers it's going to be a huge hit because I think it's a terrible idea. Schedule permitting I'll be able to do the pilot and Desperate Housewives. Keep your fingers Marcia-crossed.