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DWTS: The Last Lap Around the Track

This relatively gentle season of Dancing with the Stars is coming to a close next week (with Whitney Houston singing at the finale!!), and last night the remaining four couples danced three routines to escape the final chopping block and make it into the last round. Donny Osmond came out of the gate flailing -- it was a painful mess of a first dance, and I was surprised he got even straight 7s -- it was that bad. The show never quite gained the same momentum, perhaps because of all the serious segments about how badly all the contestants want to win. Except for Mya. I know I sometimes hate on the DWTS equivalent of Project Runway's Irina (yes, yes, we all know you're going to win, even you), but at least I have a moment of fun watching Irina's attitude, whereas Mya the 10 Girl is nothing but polite and gracious, which is a wonderful characteristic in real life but snoozey on reality TV.

The most likely competition for snatching the disco ball trophy from Mya is the model Joanna. I still forget why she's a "Star," but last night's video cleared it up for me: communist Poland, working-poor life in Chicago, single-minded ambition, and Hugh Hefner. I'm not sure it was the wisest idea to plug your Playboy connection on the family-oriented ABC show, but maybe they have test audience stats I don't. But then everyone shut up so she and Derek could dance the cha-cha-cha to Kylie's "Can't Get You Out of My Head" in red fringey pants.

Popnography has a hard time resisting Kylie. So will the "swimsuit model" stand in the final three? It seems that Kelly and Donny are racing for the third spot, with Kelly having a slight edge because of higher judge's scores and Donny's recent ballroom floor falterings. He might be well-loved enough to get the votes to keep him in the horse race, but the safest bet to place next week will be Mya to win, Joanna to place, and Kelly to show.


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Noah Michelson