Trouble in Twinktown
By Alex Wilburn
Photo: Getty Images
Yes, there was a threesome last night on Gossip Girl. But more importantly, there was also a break-up! And in this case, collegiate sexual experimentation was for the straight kids, and heart-break measured only by the end of a committed and long term relationship was for the Manhattan gay boys - I know, I know, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that as well. TV, you know? What can you say.
The end of an era. Eric van der Woodsen, Blake Lively's pixiedusted little brother, played by Connor Paolo of the ever-changing highlights, was dumped last night by his high school boyfriend, Jonathan...Fizziwig, or somesuch played by Matt Doyle (who can now be seen on Broadway's Bye Bye Birdie).
Not having watched Gossip Girl very attentively this season I can't tell you what exactly went down that robbed Matt Doyle's heart of the flame he once carried for that suicidal little spunk of a boy, but I can pretty much assure it was probably wasn't all that interesting. After all, three seasons in, despite Eric having been checked into a mental institution, been the secret boyfriend of a closeted lacrosse captain (oh jeez, high school flashbacks, meet me at the watercooler sometime and I'll tell you how that one goes), and suffered the death of his step-father, he's remained the least developed character in the cast. Jonathan? Well, he doesn't have a last name.
But we must look forward. Maybe once Eric's heart has mended and he stops playing Taylor Swift's "Forever and Always" and lurking around Jay Brannan shows in Hoboken like I did all summer, he can finally blossom as a character -- and hey, maybe find an even better boyfriend. You know, one that he actually kisses. Since Connor's already gone through Jesse Swensen and Matt Doyle, we assume his taste is strictly Spring Awakening, so might I suggest cutie Kyle Riabko, who played Melchior in the summer tour cast? Or if Little E really wants to step it up in the steam department, how about Jonathan B. Wright, whose cheek bones I pretty much never get tired of looking at? Or hey, for some English lovin', Jamie Blackley, from the London tour, who, I can tell you personally, is a fox.
Matty Doyle couldn't be reached (via my friend not handing over his cell number for editorial purposes) but the next time he's hanging around Joe's Pub, I'm getting the back-stage truth on why these St. Jude lovebirds will no longer be sharing a Pinkberry with kiwi on the Met steps any more.
-- ALEX WILBURN