Project Runway: Baby On Bored

8.28.2009

By Noah Michelson

Now for the bad news: stuffy-nosed Mitchell got another pass
(second in as many weeks) for his janky garment execution. This guy made a pair
of shorts that would fit my fat ass and then put them on a
tiny little model outfitted with an 8 ½ month-style pillow so that
they billowed out in that way that clothes for the chubbified always do. All
episode long I thought, “Give that boy a Claritin and send him home.” But it
was not to be. Instead they aborted my current favorite, Malvin.

And for what? For making a weird, complicated, feathered,
bird-and-yet-also-kangaroo-like giant egg-shaped pouchy Baby Bjorn thing that
looked like it might assist the new mom in literally vomiting fresh worms into
her fluffy new chicks’s wide-open beaks? Is being nerdishly visionary a crime
now? Shouldn’t it always trump boredom and bad construction?

Furthermore, Malvin was responsible for two of the show’s
more adorable moments. The opening sequence, where he turns his room’s curtains
into his own personal marsupialish hideway to avoid being unclothed for the
camera, was pretty awesome. And while defending his bizarro concept for the all-lady
judging panel, every one of them shot back hilariously patronizing glances.
Collective thought bubble: “Aww, so cute that he’s never actually spoken to a
woman in real life before.” They were the rocky place where his seed could find
no purchase.

-- DAVE WHITE

Previously > Judging Lindsay Lohan's Judging on Project Runway

Tags: Popnography
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