Peru outlaws gay cops

5.15.2009

By Noah Michelson

A butterfly flaps its wings in Peru, and in the Western World, there are no more Gays. The news that Peru's Interior Minister, Mercedes Cabanillas, has drawn a line in the sand and decreed at on one side stand the police officers, and on the other, homosexuals and never the twain shall meet (aka officially banning gay police officers) may seem like just another tinpot piece of nonsense. But it’s about more than that: without the gayness of cops, there would be no gays as we know it.

Without that long-established link between queers and police uniforms, there would be no Village People (or if there had been, can you imagine a lineup with Leatherman, Indian, Construction Worker and, er Traffic Warden?). And no CHiPs, with tiny but perfectly malformed Eric Estrada on his motorsickle posing for all those endless ass shots. And no strip-o-gram cops, no Italian Carabinieri with their tight wee pants.

What would Gays have chosen as a stereotype instead? Sales of Aviators would have plummeted, there would have been no Top Gun, no revival of the white tee. For all we know -- and that is hardly anything at all, though we will guess -- Gays might have chosen UPS Guy as the national obsession. No offense intended delivery guy, but for the most part, you and your brown shortpants are not exactly Tom of Finland. So there would have been no gym culture, no Tom Ford with his snug-fitting suits, no disco culture and no assless chaps. OK, -- we stole those from cowboys, but without gym culture, imagine the asses in those chaps! Now try to forget them.

So, Peru, you have put the "cunt" in “country” by robbing us of our gay cop icon. Until you repent, we will boycott Music From The Andes CDs and ponchos. Actually, that’s a good idea anyway.

-- DG

Previously > What's poppin' with mysterious monster corpses?

Tags: Popnography
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