How to Be a Gay Playa

8.3.2004

By Daniel Lee

So you want to be the gay male equivalent of a skirt-chaser, but you don't know where to start. Well, you can stop sweating in your chastity belt because Out is here to help you become the gay playa you always wanted to be!

1. Work Your Look
Whether you style it like a nouveau-rich preppie, Manhattan fashion mafioso, banjee boy, or Texas panhandle cowpoke, make sure the details are down to the T. That means the bling better be shiny and real, the sandals better be Birkenstocks, and the cowboy hat better be Stetson. If there were no such thing as 'the original' pimp daddy or hippie lovemuffin, you could wear threads like you were. Even if you don't have just one look, own every one of them. It's true what they say: 'The clothes make the man.'

2. Smell Good
Of the four senses, none sparks a memory like smell. I remember the colognes of every man I have ever coveted and I am sure one whiff of a certain ex-boyfriend's Calvin Klein eau de toilette could fire up the nostalgia. So etch a spot in another man's memory with your scent. From dark and musky to light and citrusy, choose a cologne that matches your mood or personality. And don't forget that when applying, less is more. The 'French bath' is a no-no this side of the pond.

3. Learn to Wink
After playing eye-bandit with that hunk of yum-yum across the room, declare your interest with a coy wink and grin and let the flirting begin! The wink is the perfect non-verbal invitation that says, 'Hey, why don't you come over so we can talk a bit'' or 'Follow me into the bathroom for some hot, anonymous fun.' If your wink hasn't reached its most devastating potential (when men openly swoon at the batting of your eyelashes), then practice in the mirror. Once you get it down, you'll want to pick up yourself!

4. Read Books
Now I know you are wondering why a gay playa would need to read books, but the fact is, if you don't read books, or at least the newspaper, your conversation skills suffer as a result of your inability to bring a dialogue any amount of depth. Talking is sexy. Speech is the vehicle of your personality. And for those of us who aren't textbook good-looking, you can score more often than any shallow, pretty boy by having your articulate tongue reveal your seductive personality.

5. Have an Attitude
Confidence is crazy sexy, but so is shyness. The key is having an attitude that can be both fearless and vulnerable. Say you are a horrible dancer: if you go out on the dance floor like you just don't care that you move like headless poultry, the boys will appreciate'no'be drawn to your commitment to having fun. Conversely, you don't always have to take the lead. Allow yourself to be prodded to things you wouldn't normally do'you'll seem adventurous. Make him work for your attention too.

6. Brush Up on Your Bedside Manner
Being stunning in the sack is a given. However, what comes before and after a shag is the difference between the men and the boys. Before getting sweaty, you should recall your own sexual boundaries and make sure you don't cross them when it starts getting hot and sticky. Safer sex isn't just about using condoms, it's about staying within each other's limits while have a mind-blowing time. And after the sexcapade, remain aware of both of your needs: what you want and what he wants might be different'respond accordingly. Otherwise, instead of being a playa, you'll just be a dickhead with a bad reputation.

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