Andrew Thomas Huang, Self Portrait
This portrait series was taken in mid-March, the week Los Angeles was placed in quarantine due to the global pandemic. It was my last group gathering before lockdown, and I am grateful it was with these angels. This portrait series highlights the faces of the queer, trans, and nonbinary Chinese diaspora I am privileged to share spiritual and artistic community with.
I had the pleasure of meeting Aus Wang (she/ her), an actress, model, and musician, during a casting session last year. I wanted to collaborate with her because she has the most incredible energy and instincts as a performer. My second angel is Jasmine Lin (they/them), a performance artist, dancer, and movement facilitator. I find their work so inspiring, and we have bonded over shared interests in unearthing queer characters and stories in Chinese folklore and mythology. My third angel is Stella Deng (she/her), a painter, model, and art director. She was the production designer and cultural adviser on my film Kiss of the Rabbit God. We have had many late-night conversations talking about love, Chinese heritage, ghosts, magic, and other witchy things.
This series continues my interest in experimenting with new ways to imagine queer Asian-ness and Asian-American stories. I am excited to continue my work exploring new models of Asian representation.
Photography, Text, and Interviews by Andrew Huang (@AndrewThomasHuang)
Hair, Makeup, and Nail Art by Tanya Melendez (@LadySoulFly)
Additional sculptures are computer generated, modeled, and rendered by Huang in ZBrush, Maya, and Arnold.
This series was originally published in the 2020 Fashion issue of Out magazine. The issue had two covers, one featuring Shea Coulee and Scott Studenberg, and the second featuring model Valentina Sampaio.
Aus Wang
I wanted something elegant for Aus, so I researched Buddhist ornaments to create gold sinewy lotus stems, leaves, buds, and flowers with jade gemstones to frame her.
Andrew Huang: Can you tell me times in your life in which you've been uplifted, guided, saved, or encouraged by a friend, ally, or mentor?
Aus Wang: Emotionally, my best friend from childhood, Kylie, has been there for me along every step of my journey, from moving to Los Angeles to being the first person I came out to, and always lending an ear when I feel lost. Financially and practically, the LGBT Center/Trans Wellness Center in Los Angeles has truly been such a blessing for me. Their services allowed me to jump-start my hormonal transition and even helped me with filling out paperwork when I needed to get my name and gender marker legally changed; I wouldn't have been able to do it as smoothly without their help. Spiritually, at my lowest moments I call to my guardian angels to give me the strength to keep going. I believe our guardian angels are just our higher selves in a dimension we can't necessarily put into words, and they're always there looking out for us when we need them most.
How can we be helpful to others, particularly during this time? What means do we have to help make lives easier for the ones we love?
The most important thing we should be doing is being present for those around us. Being there for family and friends or even strangers when they need someone to talk to. Our lives would greatly improve by being open and tolerant and not being afraid of other people who don't fit their expectations or their own ideal of normalcy. One size does not fit all, but that's OK because then there's more variation to go around.
Aus Wang
If we all helped each other, we would be one step closer to a society in which we all thrive together. What does thriving mean to you? What does Utopia look like?
Thriving means living unapologetically and authentically. Utopia for me would be a place that gives everyone the freedom and equal opportunity to thrive. There wouldn't be limitations on who anyone could be. There would be a space for everyone to live their selves as true to them as they want and not be afraid of what others think. There wouldn't be intolerance or prejudice.
Jasmine Lin
Jasmine was wearing this black velvet top with gold embroidery and their nails had these beautiful gold chains, so I thought something jeweled would be nice. I came up with flower designs, which are inspired by jade glass bonsai trees that I would often see in my grandmother's house or in Chinese restaurants and businesses.
Andrew Huang: Can you tell me times in your life in which you've been uplifted, guided, saved, or encouraged by a friend, ally, or mentor?
Jasmine Lin: I find myself saved again and again through conversation. Many QT/POC carry the very real trauma of not being seen or heard, which is why it is so special when we do find and grow into crevices that feel safe because we are not only seen and heard but loved and validated in many languages. This is also how I continue relearning to love my selves. The feelings of alignment that these moments evoke, that feel like what [Black feminist author] Adrienne Maree Brown names the "deep orgasmic yes," are becoming my guiding compass. Community love is the kind of integrative love that has the potential of healing our fragments. Intentional connections and collaborations -- my chosen family gathering around hot pot, nonbinary movement artists dancing in the park, a QT/POC-centered film set, a collective performance imagining liberating futures, friends coming together on Zoom to nourish me with birthday affirmations. These are the kinds of people and energies that have uplifted and centered me this past year.
Jasmine Lin
How can we be helpful to others, particularly during this time? What means do we have to help make lives easier for the ones we love?
[Indian author and activist] Arundhati Roy wrote, "The pandemic is a portal," an opportunity for us to pause and examine our "normal," and dream of new futures. What we do to take care of each other at this moment is practice for the revolution -- and practice is revolution. Regardless of who our elected officials are, we have the power to build our own infrastructures of collective care. As [lawyer, writer and trans activist] Dean Spade writes in [the essay] "Solidarity Not Charity," "to practice new ways of being with each other in solidarity instead of relying on systems to take care of us." This can take infinite forms depending on our varying capacities and needs -- delivering food to those who are hungry, having conversations as a form of activism, sharing rather than hoarding (our stimulus checks, toilet paper), checking in with one another, providing and valuing emotional support, bartering, caring for ourselves so that we can care for others -- [this is] by no means a comprehensive list of the possibilities of radical care.
If we all helped each other, we would be one step closer to a society in which we all thrive together. What does thriving mean to you? What does Utopia look like?
A society in which we all thrive together implies an end to capitalism, white supremacy, colonialism, patriarchy, and borders. True inclusivity requires us to embark on the difficult task of unlearning trained hierarchies and practicing anti-authoritarian, collaborative, and interdependent ways of being with one another and the earth. This dream is forever in flux, fluid and flexible, ever-evolving with history. It centers around a tender kind of love and care.
Stella Deng
For Stella, I needed something futuristic to riff off her crimson shaved hair, so I went with something harder: a ring of Chinese flames textured with turquoise marble. I kind of wanted it to look kinky like a harness.
Andrew Huang: Can you tell a time in your life in which you have been uplifted, guided, saved, or encouraged by a friend, ally, or mentor?
Stella Deng: I was in New Orleans when I met a Yoruba priestess named Nana Sula. Back then I just had a break-up and was in New Orleans to escape my reality and to experience everything the city has to offer. Nana Sula asked me to meet her at her back yard. When I came through I saw her standing at the end of her yard and smiling. Instantly I felt welcomed by a breeze of warm spiritual energy. She cleansed my Chi with sacred smoke and herbs, during which I had an intense out of body experience. I felt a warm cloud of energies gathering at the back of my head, my body started to shake violently and my eyes rolled to the back uncontrollably, but my soul felt very much at ease. She started humming a folk tune that I swear I heard from somewhere else before, which made me felt absolutely safe and comforted as if I were back at my own home. We later entered her temple that holds all her ancestors' shrines and sat down for a conversation. She was absolutely kind and full of wisdom. We talked about destiny, about the purpose of this Millennial generation, about our journey on this earth. She told me that I wasn't out of my mind to think the chick I was involved with indeed cast a spell on me, and even told me what can work as a counter-spell.
Stella Deng
How can we as community members be helpful to others, particularly during this time? What means do we have to help make lives easier for the ones we love?
A physical lockdown does not equal a creative lockdown, we are still capable of creating art that makes our life more beautiful and less miserable. During this time, when the anxiety at home and among the society are both through the roof, it's more essential to rely on the healing power of art. This pandemic is not only a threat to our respiratory health but also our mental health. Art, no matter in what form, is a scientifically proven method to help with anxiety, depression and so on. When is the last time the entire world was in lockdown and almost everyone was staying at home? I think this is a brilliant chance to bring the people around the world together, reconnect with old friendships we lost along the way, create with friends who are normally too busy, collaborate with artists across the globe. Let's improve lives for society by improving the lives around you and make something together that brings you joy.
If we all helped each other, we would be one step closer to a society in which we all thrive together. What does thriving mean to you? What does Utopia look like?
I always have the best creative thoughts when I'm bouncing ideas with my friends or collaborators. To me, thriving alone is a contradictory concept on its own. A wild bloom is not stunning because of one beautiful flower's magnificence but because they are thriving together. My Utopia will be a wild bloom in a desert, finding our own voices and flourishing together in the most impossible place. I am currently enjoying my creative journey with my community to the max, planning to shoot a sci-fi silk-punk lesbian series. The journey so far has taught me that I can thrive in chaos, as long as my community is by my side. The ultimate dream is to be surrounded by the people who create, who love, who uplift each other, to live our life to the max and to never lose that fire.
