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Emma González
Out Exclusives

OUT100: Emma González, Newsmaker of the Year

“Every time you go to a Pride event, it’s a celebration of love, but it’s also a remembrance of everything that started the beginning of being accepted in this society, which doesn’t always want to accept us.”

On February 14, Emma Gonzalez's life was forever changed when a gunman walked into her high school, Marjory Stoneman Douglas, in Parkland, Fla. But her story didn't end after the news trucks moved on. In response to the tragedy, she and her classmates organized a protest so powerful, it has grown into a national movement. A month after the tragedy ripped through their school, students led the March for Our Lives protest in Washington, D.C. There, Gonzalez took to the podium and offered a silent tribute that lasted 6 minutes and 20 seconds -- the same amount of time it took for 17 of her classmates and teachers to be killed, and 17 more to be injured. Her moving gesture quickly made headlines and became the most talked-about moment from the daylong demonstration.

The massive turnout for the march was a surprising show of support surrounding grisly acts that, for too long, had been accepted with apathy in our country. Even Gonzalez was struck by how large the crowd was. "I got up onstage, and none of us could go anywhere," she says. "If we wanted to move, we couldn't because of how many people were there."

If that protest were all Gonzalez and her classmates had accomplished this year, it would have been a landmark achievement. But their work to change the national conversation about gun violence continues, and it energizes Gonzalez to meet more people, advocate for gun law reform, and bring to the forefront issues facing communities of color.

"One of the coolest experiences for me was the Peace March in Chicago on Friday, June 15," she says, explaining that activists in Chicago organized marches every Friday to combat the city's high rate of gun violence in the summer months. "We marched through the streets and neighborhoods, and we were all chanting, screaming, and singing. And we brought the press with us to shine more light on the event."

Before the Parkland shooting, Gonzalez was already involved with advocacy and organizing, having served as the president of her school's Gay Straight Alliance during her senior year, working with about 30 students. "Thirty kids is a lot for a school with 3,000 people," she says. "Most of them weren't out, but they came anyway. They had shoulders to cry on. We had a really good group -- they were able to help me, and I was able to help them."

As part of her GSA duties, Gonzalez taught her classmates about queer milestones, and she feels passionately that younger queer generations should learn from the past. "They can learn the history of our culture, and our community, and the fight, and the struggles," she says. "Every time you go to a Pride event, it's a celebration of love, but it's also a remembrance of everything that started the beginning of being accepted in this society, which doesn't always want to accept us."

Gonzales_emma_out100_101618_0321_fIndeed, not everyone celebrated the arrival of a bold and confident queer Latinx woman on the national stage. Almost immediately after Gonzalez's first public appearances, trolls began attacking her online. In a Facebook post, Congressman Steve King's campaign (R-Iowa) linked her to communist Cuba for wearing a patch of the country's flag on her jacket. Gonzalez, whose father is Cuban, defended herself and cited the elected official's racist comments. "If somebody's trying to challenge my Cuban identity, they are usually -- if not obviously -- racist," she said. "Look at the things he said, and what he called me. What he said was bottom-of-the barrel. He was not even trying. He went out of his way lots of times to call out various people and say things about minority groups."

To Gonzalez, identity is fluid and more encompassing than basic labels. "Identity to me means the way that you describe yourself when someone says, 'Describe yourself,'" she explains. "If I were to describe my identity, I would say that I am half Cuban, I'm bald, I'm bisexual, I'm 5-foot-2, I like to write, I like to partake in the arts, and I like to crochet. I would hope that if I were introducing myself to somebody, through those things, they would be able to get an understanding of who I am."

Despite so much sadness in one year, Gonzalez feels hopeful for the future. "There are so many people who are coming forward and being like, 'Yep. I am not straight. I am not cis. And I am here to stay,'" she says. "Our society doesn't need to be cis, heteroromantic, heteronormative, and heterosexual all the time. We have these different people, and they're beautiful, and I'm just so glad to know that there are so many people who are out. And even if they're in the closet, they still know who they are."

And Gonzalez's determination to prevent others from experiencing the horrors of a mass shooting will stretch long after this year. "The fact is that gun violence is still prevalent in our society," she says. "We're going to be fighting for this until it's fixed."

Photography by Martin Schoeller.

Styling by Michael Cook.

Makeup: Zac Hart using Charlotte Tilbury Cosmetics

Photographed at Schoeller Studio, New York City

Sweater by Acne Studios.
Pants by A.P.C.

Monica Castillo

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Sugar, Daddy
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Nick Wolny

Out Exclusives

'Am I a sugar daddy?' How to date men with less money

Out's Finance columnist outlines the economics of dating men of different incomes.

“I’m in my 40s and sometimes date men who are in their 20s. When there’s a big income gap, I’m willing to foot the bill for both of us to do the things I enjoy and have a good time. But I can’t tell if he’s actually into me…or just into my money. How do I figure it out?”

As we age, we discover how we prefer to spend our time and aspire to do those things more often. That’s how it is for me, at least; people will have to pry this Six Flags flash pass from my cold, dead hands, because if going to Magic Mountain means we’ll be waiting in lines all day, then I’m not going.

A VIP ticket at twice the price is worth it to me (personal finance pundits are aghast right now), because shouldn’t part of accruing wealth include using it to live a happy queer life? I think so. As time goes on, we naturally get more stubborn about how we spend our money and attention, and that conviction can lead to friction when a new special someone enters your life.

Your concern that he might be more interested in financial security than emotional intimacy is valid. You want to have a good time and bring him along, but you also don’t want to feel like he’s using you as an ATM, particularly if you’ve busted your ass for years (or decades) to get to where you are now.

Age-gap relationships might also mean partners have different financial priorities and expectations because they’re navigating different phases of life. You want to set clear boundaries but not seem so uptight about sharing resources that you scare the handsome fella off.

The most immediate solution is to get a little vulnerable and share your anxiety with him directly. If you’re still getting to know each other, frame this conversation as being about the dynamic in general, rather than specifically about you and him. That way, it doesn’t feel like a personal attack. Decide if you want the dynamic to veer away from “sugar daddy” and toward breadwinner, then communicate those goals so that the two of you can brainstorm about it together. If he’s interested in you more than your wallet, your vulnerability will signal confidence, which is sexy. If he’s only in it for the free trips, his disengagement will tell you what you need to know.

WATCH FOR RED FLAGS

Look out for other indirect signs that indicate someone is more interested in winning over your wallet than your heart. Notice if your conversations frequently turn to money, luxury, or career success and to who usually takes the conversations there (tea: It might be you). Also notice what topics are avoided. When you try to bring up your family or feelings, does he lean in or tune out?

Pay attention not to his interest in the money stuff itself but to whether he cares about it because you care about it. If he sees that it’s important to you and is attentive to that, that’s a plus in my book. If he shrugs it off, leaving the topic unaddressed, it could snowball into resentment or a bigger problem as things progress.

You might have to take the lead here. If talking about emotions or other sticky subjects is uncomfortable for him, initiate more at the start and model the conversation without puppeteering its direction. This can help cultivate honesty and trust while getting the answers you seek.

SET BOUNDARIES FOR FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE

If you want to be generous and treat him to a good time, do that wholeheartedly and without expecting reciprocation. Establish clear boundaries and communication early on when you’re dating someone. This will help avoid assumptions or implications that you’re willing to be a main source of his financial support before actually being in a relationship container.

Keep some financial separation and incorporate dates that match your date’s budget, not just your own. If you can’t have a good time without big expenditures in the picture, that’s about you, not him. It might be worth doing a little self-study to explore why that is. When he suggests a coffee shop instead of a high-end restaurant, embrace it rather than reverting to your agenda; these moments create opportunities for intimate connection, and they’ll help you determine whether your date prefers your company over your credit card.

Be open about your financial philosophy. Discuss how you view money, sharing resources, and building a future with someone. A partner interested in you rather than what you can buy them will engage meaningfully in these conversations.

FIND BALANCE

For us personal finance people who love nothing more than answering a question with an abacus, the go-to money advice for couples is to split expenses in proportion to income. If you make $100,000 and he makes $50,000, you pay two-thirds of the expenses, and he pays the other third. That way you harmoniously skip off into the sunset together.

While this rule can work for long-term relationships, it tends to fall apart when dating because people are sensitive about sharing what they earn and can accommodate, so there isn’t that same foundation of trust yet. Be proactive and set the balance on the fly; the healthiest relationships, regardless of income differences, involve both partners contributing in meaningful ways, and these contributions might not be financial. They could be emotional support, practical help, or simply making your life richer through their presence.

REFLECT ON YOUR DEFINITION OF WEALTH

Our society is work-obsessed. For some, an outcome of this focus is that by midlife you’ve reached financial success, but at the expense of being time-poor or malnourished in other areas. If you date someone navigating a different money situation, the imbalance could bubble to the surface, which can feel confronting if you’re a workaholic.

You’re cranking on the monetary wealth. Now, how is your relational wealth going? Or maybe your physical health, spiritual wealth, or sense of purpose? It can feel scary to relax the thought patterns and systems of success that have gotten you to where you are now, but doing so might unlock new categories of nourishment you didn’t realize you needed. Vibe on this idea of holistic wealth — feeling fulfilled in all the areas of your life, not just your bank account — and it will help ensure you have no regrets later in life.

Do you like him? Do you feel valued and appreciated? Is the relationship contributing to your social and relational wealth while also not being detrimental to your monetary wealth? If the answers to all of those questions are yes, it seems like a green light to me. Remember that finding a genuine connection takes time, and there’s no shame in protecting yourself while remaining open to love.

By maintaining healthy boundaries while also leading with heart, you’re more likely to find partners who value you for who you are, not what you can provide, while also having a good time.

Nick Wolny is Out magazine’s finance columnist. He writes Financialicious, a personal finance newsletter tailored toward queer readers, and is working on his first book, Money Proud, which releases later this year. NickWolny.com @nickwolny

Have a burning money question? Call or text the Financialicious hotline at (323) 207-9969 – your question might get answered.

This article is part of the Out January/February issue, which hits newsstands February 4. Support queer media and subscribe— or download the issue through Apple News, Zinio, Nook, or PressReader starting January 23.

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