Tyler Clementi Felt Rejected by Mom
12.8.2011
By Jerry Portwood
“Mom has basically completely rejected me,” Tyler Clementi wrote to a friend shortly after he revealed his homosexuality, according to court documents. Clementi, who jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge in September 2010, and whose death helped spur campaigns against bullying, came out to his parents just three weeks prior, said his mother an interview with People magazine, the first given since Tyler’s death.
“I told him I needed time," Jane Clementi told the magazine. “You have dreams for your children, and when someone tells you this, your dreams are kind of shattered for that moment. I was processing it, but cutting him out of my life was never a possibility.”
James Clementi, Tyler’s older brother, 26, also came out to his parents several months ago, according to People.
Dharun Ravi, Clementi’s roommate at Rutgers, where they were both enrolled, is set to stand trial Feb. 21 on 15 counts, including invasion of privacy, having allegedly used a webcam to record Tyler kissing another man.
In an Feb. 2010 article for Out magazine, Paul Zilber described communicating with Clementi via Facebook about demonstrating against the homophobic, anti-Semitic Westboro Baptist Church, which seriously questioned the consensus that he felt shame about his sexuality.
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I think Tyler took his life because Mom had rejected him and then his roommate gave him grief about his sexuality. Tyler was more upset about his mother's rejection and that caused him to end his life, not the silly actions by the roommate. Mom should feel really guilty about this, she caused Tyler's death by judging him and not being a good parent.
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This expression, circulating a lot these days, is, in my opinion, completely inadequate as a LGBT defence. (BTW, I am a gay man.) What will those who hate us say when we use this in connection with transgender people?
Coming out to strangers can mean simple rejection, scorn, apathy, distrust and invisibility.
Coming out to people in your inner circles loved ones, professionals, neighbors, social acquaintances and religious or academic affiliations often means rejection and ejection. Your not just excluded or refused, you are sometimes shredded by the people who helped you form the person that you are.
The process is sometimes life long if you choose to live the light of authenticity. Most gays do not want to be closeted but try to protect their friends and loved ones from the social and professional leprosy that is usually inflicted on people who are not sitting on the correct side of the sexuality table.
Liars can lie breaking trusts and joke or make excuses several times in the course of a conversation,
thieves can cheat on taxes and over charge the poor taking food out of children and elders mouths, or preventing the terminally ill from getting meds, parents abort children created in incestuous or adulterous encounters and not be denied jobs, housing, families but homosexuals are. Simple civil rights and the civil liberties like walking a street holding hands or giving one another a fond peck on the check or offering someone a drink at a bar can happen for a homosexual without wondering what will this simple act cost me or my family. Coming out can be mentally and emotionally liberating for the blink of an eye and then crushing in the same moment by hateful ignorance. Doesn't sound like such a "gay" way of living. Tyler and his family might have made it through the coming out process together. The stunt by his so called friends and roommate, those close to him, who invaded his privacy, they took his life. It kind of took away my tastes for so called reality t.v. RIP Tyler.
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How many more stupid parents will push their children away because THEY 'need time'. What about what he needed and was going through. He may have committed suicide even with his mom's loving acceptance but sad to be in a position of having to guess. When will grown folk who happen to be parents grow a SPINE?!!!!!!!! No point in crying now...
I have no empathy for her or his dad if he was party to the ignorance! How, is she dealing with the 2nd gay child???
I loved reading your comment....I think you really get "it". The time has come for parents to learn the consequences of their misguided and out dated religious beliefs.
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Parents, family and friends need to realize that their lack of respect regarding the "coming out" of someone close to them, is a very difficult decision on the part of the person "coming out". Yes, it might not be what THEY want for their relative/friend, but it is what their son/daughter/relative/friend has admitted to themselves...and it is who they are. We are all born in God's image...that is all of us. Even the most religious will understand that God does not make mistakes.
This expression, circulating a lot these days, is, in my opinion, completely inadequate as a defence of LGBT people. (BTW, I am a gay man.) What will those who hate us say when it is used in connection with transgender people?
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