No Asians!
1.11.2012
By Alexander Chee
Illustration by Keith Negley
I more or less forgot about the Internet tricking grind. I’m happily settled with a man, and we don’t have one of those one-eye-over-the-shoulder relationships where we each wait for the other to leave the apartment and then hit the web for the day’s hookups. So it was off my mind until this summer, when a Tumblr, Douchebags of Grindr, launched with a storm of ridicule aimed at particularly egotistical profiles.
Much of the mockery on the DoG blog is reserved for the guys whose profile photos consist of Bentley keys and Black AmEx cards, or ones like the arrogant hottie whose profile reads, “I choose you! You don’t choose me!” But what caught my eye was that there was a special place in Internet Hell reserved for the ones who put NO ASIANS on their profiles.
The no asians proclamation is usually accompanied by no FATS/FEMMES/POZ, as if being Asian is something treated with a visit to the gym, doctor, or behavioral therapy. There’s a temptation here to try and litigate with the no asians crowd -- “How can you say you’re not into Asians? What about Harry Shum/BD Wong/Daniel Dae Kim?” -- but that’s really beside the point. Disturbing as it was to see, I decided to really think about it.
Last fall, Alex Rowlson, in his piece for Canadian gay mag Fab, wrote, “The culture of sexual liberation has been replaced by sexual segregation.” The thing is, if that happened, it happened a long time ago. Racial preference in the gay community is not new.
Twenty years ago, I moved to San Francisco after college and entered the bewildering maze of gay bars there that suggested gay life was more about race than about gender preference: There were bars for white men to meet black men, black men to meet black men, white men to meet Asian men, Asians to meet Asians, and so on.
This Balkanized sexual landscape presented certain complications. I’m half Korean, half Scotch-Irish. Inside of these strict scenarios, I disappoint the rice queens, as well as the snow queens.
I have sometimes passed as white to those who didn’t ask questions. I’ve had guys ask if I was everything from Swedish to Mexican or African American. If they didn’t ask, they’d engage in a guessing game. In the meantime, I’ve had boyfriends of many creeds. The only thing my boyfriends have in common is me.
Other men -- whether on Grindr or in their race-based gay bar -- are casting a fantasy, which can now be staffed from a website. They have more in common with Civil War re-enactors than potential sex partners.
I was never a fan of Internet sex in my single days. Most of the dates I had then struck me as more like online shopping than sex. It was like ordering sex off Etsy -- highly specific to the producer’s tastes and eccentricities, almost artisanal.
The guy who was really into nipples, well, that was all he wanted done. Ditto the guy who was into massage or the guy into role-playing. And the guys who were into Asian guys were really into them, about as much as the guys who were not into them and felt the need to write NO ASIANS on their profiles.
A glance at the commenter battles on DoG showed two sides: one saying it was racist to put NO ASIANS on a profile, and the other saying, “Preference isn’t racist!” This discourse soon led to the laughable claim that Asians were trying to “guilt-trip” hot white guys into having sex with them. Here’s the thing: It’s just not the same as someone advertising an interest in Asians.
And it’s not racist to not to be attracted to Asian men. I’ll be the first to say desire is not a democracy, but a dictator. Sex is not fair; it’s just sex. But race-based rejection was, in the old days of real-life cruising, silent. Likewise your reaction. If someone rejected you because of your race, you didn’t usually hear about it unless you pressed your case. But men who put NO ASIANS on their profile are not stating a preference.
If your profile reads “I block more Asians than the Great Wall of China!” you’re not only racist, it’s even weirder than that: You’re looking for a fellow Asian hater to date. You’re using the disguise of a semi–socially acceptable way to say you’re a racist and looking to hook up with other racists. That’s fine. Just change your profile to RACIST, SEEKS SAME instead.
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One more thing....when you sleep with someone who doesn't want to sleep with you, its not sex, its rape. So stop trying to sleep with people who would much rather avoid you. Instead do something about social exclusion in gay society. If the gay dentist in the gay village of Toronto is much more friendly with other white guys but ignores you outside of dentist chair. Change the dentist. Goto someone straighter and friendlier :-). If the barman at Woodys makes a face at you while serving drinks and is much more intimate with white customers stop patronizing the bar. Find another bar. If the gay guy at HR shows you attitude just give your business (and sales commission) to a friendlier straight guy/girl. If you found sidelined in a gay cruise for the color of your skin spread the bad word. As prosperous and rich Asians, Indians, Arabs and Latinos you make the bulk of gay economy and the only way you can flex your muscle is by economic boycott.
Dont whine that wont change anything. Make others whine. Make your statement.
... and if my country did not allow gay marriage should I leave it? Fortunately, some of us had the agency to fight for equality to have the right to marry in Canada. We make statements by challenging the oppressor not by running away. Systemic racism should always be challenged by the oppressed and also to those who stand in solidarity to those who are in the margins.
We are all a function of environment we grow up in. Here are several things to think about -
1. Earlier decades were decades of suppression. Gays were looking for acceptance and it called for solidarity from at least other gay men. Today they are liberated. I would say excessively. Most work for charities, city, fashion, music etc. That gives them time to dress up, indulge in their fantasies with no real work. Live off other people's money or tax payer dollars with no responsibilities. Indulge in drugs (that brings out the nasty and aggresive in them. They dont really care about others because anyone who doesnt subscribe to their view/lifestyle is a homophobe.
2. Non caucasians in earlier decades were much more docile. If they were gay they were thankful just to be living in the "liberated" west. Mostly working for inconsequential jobs and they never even dreamed of being equal to the whites. Todays Asian or Indian is much more educated, professional richer and therefore confident. Combine that with an entitled generation in the west "who should be getting everything just for being born white" and you are seeing the consequences. Caucasians feel threatened by the rise of Asia and most of the successful people in America and Europe today also happen to be immigrants specially in places like San francisco, London, New York and Toronto. caucasians feel much more threatened.
3. Some cultures where the gays have been "liberated" genuinely have a society that is much more accepting of racism like Canada, Australia and UK. Being liberal in these places means being gay friendly but only if the skin is white. That applies almost universally to their gay populations as well.
4. "Gay culture" is all about sleeping around. So you only smile at people when you are "interested", you only talk to people when you are "interested", you only dance with people if you are "interested". What this does is ensures all other interactions are blocked out. So if you are "not interested" in someone you have to ignore them completely. And since the majority is Caucasian, its the non Caucasians who get excluded.
5. Caucasians are not the only ones who discriminate. There are enough gay asians or blacks or indians who can sleep among themselves. Why do they only need Caucasians? Why is it that if a white man chooses not to sleep with non white, he is racist but when an Asian doesn't want to sleep with another Asian but only white he is not....
Oh please. Im asian and i truly do believe that there's nothing that you can achieve by blaiming people putting the "NO ASIAN" sign. The way i see it. If he's not interested, then why should you be mad? You probably dont even wanna be with that person. Stop whinning and carry on. I think its just pathetic how you force other people to like you. Have some dignity god!!!
There are a few things I take from reading this Out article:
1) I am assuming that the majority of Out readers are gay and liberal. My opinion now of many gays and liberals are that they are racist.
2) White people justify hidden racism through sexual preference, along with many asians.
3) I've always wondered if I've been single in LA for the last 13 years because I am half-asian, and now I am realizing that its true.
4) My friends who are non-asian are that much more amazing than I originally thought.
5) The majority of Out readers are uneducated and need to get out more.
6) The fact that I like it all means that I'm special (literally) in this community, and need to consider myself more special after reading all these comments.
Cynicism is a helluva drug.
Hi, I am one of those who is really attracted by body type rather than by race. I like husky, stocky, chubby men - hairy or smooth. Can someone direct me to any website where I can meet asian bears and chubs? Thx
I am a white guy who likes men. Asians included. Then again, I don't like all men. I consider them individually. I recognize people have types. Ok. Good. I don't mind. What I mind is gay people not having good manners and more sensitivity. Everyone gets to chose. But it is offensive to post restrictions that are exclusionary. Can't we just be a little more kind to each other? Have your preferences, but recognize saying no Asians, no blacks, or for that matter no white guys is just rude.
Im black (so I see no black guys a lot) and I think its ridiculous to expect everyone to be attracted to every race. This is SEX we're talking about - not say applying for a job or catching a cab. If a guy writes "no__'s" you can feel lucky at not having to waste time on him.
WRT Asians, There are many western ideas of PHYSICAL masculinity that they just dont meet. I like tall guys, hairy guys & I like big firm butts. Asians are generally short, thin and hairless with small dicks / butts.
Now maybe it would be better to list the physical features you like on your profile instead of saying race. Then you won't look racist and you'll only get the men you actually are attracted to. So if I say only hairy guys / only tall guys - automatically most asians are eliminated.
All people are beautiful and equal and wonderful - but no, I'm not physically attracted to all of y'all and won't just sleep with anyone.
I'm asian and I'm 6"3, there is always an exception
I remember a time, around 1998, when it was cool to be Asian. The age of MTV had brought about a certain allure, and whether it was in London or Hong Kong, picking men up was easy and fun. Perhaps I'm thinking too hard on something as basic as sex, a human need and want, but I do think the 'No Asian' stance has a lot to do with egos and the shifting of the times. The economies or the West are doing terribly or at least comparably to the late 1970s and early 1980s, which by most accounts, was also quite a racist time for gay men of Asian persuasions. But my the mid-1990s through to the early 2000s, what was exotic became internationally appealing.
At a Parisian gay bar earlier this year, I began chatting with the guy, with a full scruffy beard like his predecessor from 1979, next to me in English, as one would at a gay bar anywhere in the world. The second thing the Frenchman said, accusingly in a brittle tone, was "We lost our AAA credit rating today." As if it were my fault. From experience, the only white men (besides the more mature ones) have been the confident bastard-type Alpha males, immune to economic problems who remain internationally minded and sex-mad. Generic white men, however, gravitate towards other white men because they offer each other a sense of similarity, familiarity and safety in numbers. Because to do any differently would take some courage.
U see it in the mags you see it in the porn stores, mostly white guys. Im blk, open to all races..dick size was the problem for me. Im short and i have a fairly large dick. I want the same. I think asians are cute, in theory may be dateable. Im from the east coast now in sf...and I want to leave. this city has made me want to be a ex gay, go back into the closet, just bc of the no standards that is here besides online. there are more asians here than whites, and little blks...you'd have to go to oakland. anyway ca is just as racist as anywhere else...I have my issues with blks too...and dont know when all of it will ever end. anyway since there are more asians...for white guys im kinda out of luck...for the most part...damn in dc i could get any race with 5 mins of arrival in the city...here it took a little longer. my white friend sees asians as girls with dicks. i dont like anyone darker than a snickers bar, so that indian guy couldnt get me if he had 10 inches. I like tans...i dont wanna sleep with a pig called bob. blk can be a little freaking aggressive and rough, but white guys typically like that...latins are hot but most dont clean themselves...but if jesus was real he'd wipe us all out because all we ever do is hookup and prey on younger guys when we are trolls. Unless Jesus is on his knees praying with 12 guys in a circle around him, that means hes busy and cant talk to you, humming isn't gonna answer my prayer and question.
I don't understand the point of this article. Why should preferences be judge? It's cool that you like all races, I have nothing against it; but why are you going after guys who are not sexually attracted to Asian men? So now to be consider a "non-racist" person you need to sleep with every single race even if you don't feel any attraction to such race? Come on! Aren't guys on grindr old enough to take a rejection? I mean if you are old enough to be sleeping from bed to bed, I think a rejection should be the least of your worries or pains. Grow up people, I feel like this article brings us back to conservatives telling gay man to sleep with women because they have never experience it. People know what they like and what they don't, and it's fine! At the end of the day we have the first amendment which gives us the right of freedom of expression, at the same time it's good that you got this out of your system. Speaking about inner issues helps you get over them :)
Anonymous, It's a simple fact of courtesy and tact, something which is lost on many people. Just because the 1st Amendment gives you the right to say something dickish, doesn't mean you should outright go ahead and say it. It's quite simple. If you find someone not to your taste, just say 'no thank you', and let the person move on. It costs nothing to be polite, and it makes for smooth relations with all. The ones that post for 'no Asians' or 'No Europeans' or 'no Blacks' just lack class and good upbringing anyway.
The author is a bit absurd to simply say that just because someone explicitly express their dislike for Asians that they are racist. I am sorry but we all have preferences for certain features. I for one can't be more repulsed by guys with, for instance, wide/flat noses. I prefer men that least resemble chimps. I have indicated on my profiles "No Asian, or West Africans, etc." It is more nuanced than skin color.
Sieg Heil! ("I prefer men that least resemble chimps") May you die in a most painful way
Wow, Alexander Chee. You are posting about racism that you as a gay Asian feel when you read the words "NO ASIAN" yet you say that being femme is something that can be "cured" by behavioral therapy, or being fat can be "treated" by going to the gym. You just blew up my irony meter. Learn to recognize discrimination everywhere, especially within yourself, before you try and fight it because otherwise, you are simply advocating one kind of discrimination over another.
The irony is laughably palpable! I find implying that being "femme" is curable with behavioural therapy most appalling. As if the femmes are not hated enough!
Racist or not is not the question we should be addressing.
I would address the beauty and 'sexy' standards propelled by the West and what often gets put out into the gay media; gay magazines, etc. Why are there discriminate postings on these websites like Grindr, etc. regarding fat, old, Asian, etc? We're bred to believe those things aren't beautiful; and hence from there, Asian is not attractive to many.. I would argue, standards of sexiness are so ingrained into our being that it's hard to separate the issue of attractiveness and racism. To the individual -- get over it; it's not an individual thing (ie: some people find this attractive, some don't find this attractive). There are always exceptions and that that's not what we are here to discuss. Beauty, like racial politics, is institutionalized into our subconscious to the point that in a *MAJORITY* of people, we notice these trends.
Whites are at the top of the beauty ladder. There is NO disputing that. On an individual basis this may be an exception but on a whole, it is a trend. So, as a white person, if I saw someone post "NO WHITES" I may not be offended at all because this is an exception to the trend. As an Asian person, if I saw someone post "NO ASIANS," I would be more inclined to think that, okay, you might not be attracted to them and that is your "sexual preference (which often is used as an excuse in my opinion)", however, consider further why Asian, why fat, why old, why feminine is not attractive to you.
There is much more going on than your individual lives; it's an institutionalized idea.
This is one of the best responses I have read on here. This person clearly understands behavioral and social cognitive theory at least at an intuitive level. Reiterating what he has said, one of the biggest fallacies people seem to believe is that their "attractions" come from within at an individual level. They fail to realize the VERY heavy influence their social environment plays in forming what their "preferences". These same ideas are why advertisements on T.V. are so effective and powerful.
Hi all,
One of the earlier comments described how Asian-on-Asian racism exists within the Asian gay community. This could not be more true. I am from Malaysia and I am of Indian descent. As an Indian in Malaysia, you would not believe the amount of racism that exists on gay hook up sites in Malaysia. Often, it is Chinese on Indian discrimination, however Malay on Indian discrimination exists as well. Statements like NO INDIAN, NO BLACK SKIN, etc. are common place.
So you can only imagine my delight when I traveled to the Americas and the E.U. and saw that Far Eastern men were snubbed in clubs and bars, while men were hitting on me left, right and center. And let me tell you this... IT FELT GOOOOOOD, seeing dejected Chinese men walking around, cruising and looking all lost and puppy-eyed. It's Karma time. If you can't take it, then don't dish it out beeyotch!
Sure some of you may think I'm petty. But then again, those of you that do have no idea what it feels like to be told you are ugly from the moment you are a child and all through your life because of the color of your skin. And this has not just happened to me in Malaysia, it also happened in Korea, and in Japan. So yeah, I'm glad Ms. Oriental Chan is suffering from gay racism. It's only fair!
Macha, I'm a Malaysian Chinese in Perth, Australia myself, and often I'm disgusted by the attitudes of the other MC to MI & MM back home. The constant refrain of No Indians this & No dark skin that is sickening. I'm the type of person who happens to find anyone attractive regardless of their race. And yes, I've have my share of fun with Indian guys ;) In a sense, I can understand you frustration & subsequent Schadenfreude when you go outside M'sia. But I must advise you to not be petty. Not my place to say to you, but you'll probably end as bitter as those fellows. Apa2 pun, yang penting kita mampu memahami diri sendiri & bertolak ansur, so to speak. Cheers!
Hey Zydar, thanks for the post. You're absolutely right.. The last thing I want is to turn into something bitter. And for the record, my best friend whom I absolutely love, is Chinese. It's just turds like Yoloso that I can't stand with the whole "ostrich head in the sand attitude" pretending nothing's happening!
Anyway.... I'm moving to Australia soon and I am NOT coming back to Malaysia! So I'm not really bothered by this. And for those of you who want to tell me Oz is full of racists, let me stop you right there and say I've been to Oz more than a dozen times, my experiences have been excellent, and I've met more racists within Malaysia - my soon to be ex-home!
I'm not the biggest fan of your first post, but I do understand your frustration. I'm gay Malaysian Chinese and I live in KL right now (we probably know each other... haha) and I do know that there is racism within the gay community here (and everywhere else in the world). But as Zydar pointed out, there's really no use of being bitter and schadenfreude when you see Chinese guys being rejected in other countries. I grew up mostly in Australia and I used to get rejected a lot because I'm Chinese, so I know how it feels (this happened in my early, coming out years). I don't reject or say no to people and point it at race, but maybe that's because I wasn't really brought up here so much. I think in Malaysia, both the straight and gay communities have the same race issue and it is a bigger problem than we may think.
Good luck with your move to Australia and hopefully the bitterness will go away while you're there, because I kinda took offence to the whole Ms. Oriental Chan thing - if the tables were flipped, I would never be throwing insults and slurs towards Indians.
No matter how you slice it, this is a kind of fucked up post. Especially when you say shit like Ms. Oriental Chan. You're not ugly. You're just a bitch.
Suck it up honey, like I said, if your people can't take it, then don't dish it! You could learn a thing or two from Zydar.
Instead of spending time criticizing my post, get your head out of your arse and tell your fellow friends to change their attitudes!
Wow! Leave it to hypersensitive folks, insecure about their own attractiveness, to ascribe racism to those who don't find them attractive.
For the record, there are a lot of types I don't find attractive. To list a few - fat guys. Guys who wear clamdiggers and flip flops in public. Guys who pluck their eyebrows. Guys who have "look at my biceps" tattoos. Guys with 1970s-porn-style mustaches. And, of course, Asian guys.
Sorry - it's based purely on physical attraction, and for the most part I don't care for Asian features. There's also a certain behavior pattern I've found among Asian guys that makes me run for the hills, a sort of desperation to be part of the in crowd, be cool, and so forth. That sort of behavior magnifies the usual lack of attraction I feel.
But let me ask you - Do you guys really care if I'm attracted to you or not? If you have a modicum of self-esteem, you accept the fact that nobody's attractive to everyone. I'm some guys' type - others wouldn't look twice at me. Several years ago I was really frustrated at the constant rejection I got by someone I was very (sexually) interested in. One night I was out and I saw him with a twinkie boy who was about 15 years old. A moment of blinding insight for me - I just wasn't his type, and without dying my hair blond, dropping 20 years from my age, and losing half my body weight, I never would be. I got on with it and have had plenty of jaw-droppingly good sex since then with guys who are my type, and whose type I am.
I suppose there might be a gaysian guy I might be into some day, but I doubt it. I know plenty of people who feel the same way that I do, as well as several who get into Asian guys. There's no lack of variety out there. Just know that screaming "racism," or "fattism," or "self-hatred," or "discrimination," or "homophobia," or any of those other manipulative terms often brands you as a self-pitying drama queen who wants to change the world so that you can have the sex partners of your choice without caring about what other people want.
This is a victim blaming with nice reprimand.
I am white gay guy who prefers NOT to date Asian or Black. I have slept with Asians, but simply I don't care the typical Asian facial features, smallish genitalia and harsh black pubic hair. Still I dont have "no Asians" tag anywhere and if Asian man approaches me online I just ignore them.
Bravo, Peter, for having the social skills of a reptile. Your parents should be so proud of you.
Well I myself happen to not date in my own race, I prefer Asians and even study Chinese and Japanese To help dissolve language barriers. The message is clear that you all don't wanna date others. But don't cry racism when gay whites don't want you. I can't even get an Asian to talk to me. (And I'm quite a handsome educated blk man 23)I've come to realize that Asians are raised to distrust blks and consider them of a lower class cause of skin color or other foolishness. Which is sad from a culture of really intelligent ppl. Asians fetishsize whites due to the belief that they are the top class and there desire to be accepted in a country who still see them as alien. I see more no blacks on gay profiles than anything else...but don't cry bout it
Sweetheart, don't expect *anyone*, not just Asians, to want you when you don't even date within your own race.
Boy! simply, Asian boy here... I got over the phrase that I-hate-being-gay-Asian for such a long a$$ time ago. I used to fall in love with any white boys. It was a mad romance when you hang up with racial things. Nowadays, Boy! I have such a beautiful white boyfriend. Ironically, a couple year ago I've started to find other Asian men attractive--there is nothing wrong about that--no, no, no, I don't cheat! baby. I can't explain about it. Lately, when I think about myself--how I used to be addictive to any white boy/guy (really, any)--I laugh at myself. I asked myself why, why did I only exclusively only attractive to white boys. Gee.. To get over racial things, it will take an enlightenment. I love all races.. yeah.. When you open your mind, you will see more loves and more compassion. I think the beauties are in any race, really.
No... You be racist of all the pepple outsude of your romantic interests were also only white. One can't help whom they are sexually or romantically attracted to. Frienships on the other hand don't require that sort of filter. If you reject people of color as friends... Then yeah maybe there are some undertones of racism.
I truly believe some racism is only based on lack of experience or exposure to those of different backgrounds, nationalities or ethnicities.
I'm a bi-racial guy (thats another story) and I grew up in the south, were very few Asians lived. I heard many stero-types and my lack of experience followed me to California. I'm happy to say one of my best friends for the past ten years is an Asian guy.
All in all the gay American community is pretty racist, but I think again much of it based on exposure. However at the end of the day being rude or impolite is un called for. As a community we will never have equality as long as we accept intolerance. I say go out make an effort to get to know people that are different. It will only enhance your life, there is no law that says u need to sleep with them.
If you also choose friends based on their race, I'd question your motives.
What I find ironic, i just read a similar article about African Amercians/blacks. This article could very easily have been written about Gay racist views towards gay black men. Those very sane hookup sites, smartphone apps and Magazine ads quite frequently have the "no blacks" or even more telling "white only". Everyone has a romantic preference, the true test of ones racist feelings or views happens to be seen in friendships. Friendships should never have those types of limitations. If you don't have any friends of other races, or you simply choose not to make such friends, then yes you are probably racist or at the minimum, severely under exposed to others.
The gay community is by far the most racist group of people. I grew up in the south and never had an experience I could call racist until I moved to the SF bay area. In particular San Francisco. The gay community is also extremely femmephobic, any guy not perceived as manly are also discrminated against.
Until the community stops glorfying Abercrombie and Fitch models as the mold a gay man should strive for or after, we'd not gave this issue. Interestingly enough, lesbians don't have anywhere near the hangups as do gay men. Their experiences as gay women are not si dissimilar to a gay man, so why do you suppose they have less issues? That too us very telling.
I find it interesting that an Asian gay guy is complaining about racism. I am a black gay guy and almost daily I encounter some sort of racism within the gay community in bars and the many posts by guys on hook up sites which say "No Blacks" From my own observation and interactions with Asian guys. They seem to be always seeking white guys for sexual partners or potential relationships. And very few are interested in black guys. They are just as racist against black guys as the white guys in the gay community. I have never really been interested in Asian guys for sexual partners. But I do not feel the need to post it on my internet personal ads. However I do keep and open mind. Just last week I had two sexual encounters with an attractive Asian man. He told me I was the first black guy he had ever been with. After sex I he didn't want to leave. He called me the next day for another encounter. Before that he said he never even considered a black guy as a sexual partner and wished he had done it sooner in his life.
This topic is nothing new or original. Perhaps the only thing new being it was written by a half-asian, half-white, as if their perspective is more profound or unbiased. America is only 60% white, and this number will be declining even more in the coming years. Did it ever occur to anyone that these 'no Asian' ads we're written by non-whites? Or even Asians themselves? Quite frankly, if I don't like guys that are too hairy or tall, that's my business and sexual preference. Don't trample on my freedoms. I think Asians confuse the modern 'anti-racist' hiring policies set by elites, governments, universities, etc with the private individual realm. As if who I have sex with is determined by some governmental agency, or something.
'Johnny had sex with 6 white guys this month, that means his next 4 partners must be men of color, non-white ethnic men to fulfill his affirmative action quota set by government.'
Get real. You can not mandate who people must have sex with. If you don't like it, screw off back to where you came from.
Youre just racist bro. WE just rather not have sex with racists.
And look what this guy also said... "If you don't like it, screw off back to where you came from." As if they just got off the boat.
Go back where you came from? How very kind of you to point out in your own words exactly that racist attitude the article was attempting to state, albeit in a one dimensional point of view. Preferences are fine but your tea-party mentality is exactly what is at issue in the gay world but on a much deeper level, than relationship preferences.
Lmao. This article is stupid. Actually, I'm not sure if I can even judge it fairly since I didn't read the whole thing and I'm not going to. It's stupid, because someone is complaining about the fact that White men tend to exclude Asian men from their list of dating possibilities with "no Asians please", and yet, on virtually every dating site I've been on, I've seen numerous Asians doing the *exact* same thing to Latinos, Blacks, and get this, even other Asians. And here in the comments, a bunch of Asians are complaining about their situation. It's okay when an Asian excludes anyone else (including their own), but when a White man tells you UPFRONT that you are simply not an option because they don't find you attractive, then you go and scream bloody racism. So what gives? To give a little of my own background, I'm an African-American, 22 years old, masculine gay male who prefers other men of African descent and a man of African descent will *always* be my first choice, no matter how dark or light skinned he is. I am however, open to dating others. But I'm starting to think that we Black men truly are the dregs of the mainstream gay community. Hell, you even have studies which state that we are the least desired in the community, NOT Asians, contrary to the sentiments that many people are claiming here (http://gmadnyc.wordpress.com/2011/02/15/black-gay-men-are-least-desired-...). And honestly, I'm okay with this. I ain't mad at cha' (gay community). Why should I cry and make a freaking blog post about my issues when there are plenty of beautiful Black men who would absolutely adore me? I have options. Why would anyone write about how White men exclude them, when there are tons of Asian men/White men who would adore you? You have options. Simply pack your bags and move on. Dust yourself off and try again. Haters gon' hate.
To everyone complaining, there are plenty of White men, Asian men, Latino men and Black men who don't give a damn about a person's race and just want a faithful companion. Stop complaining and find a white guy that will actually like you for who you are, if that is what you desire. Excuse me if I was blunt. I'm not a mean person, but I had to get my point across.
Thing is, since your primary preference is your own race, you won't feel offended as much as people who are (similarly or) more into people outside of your own race. To them, being racially offended by people whom you may be into but are not in your racial group is more hurtful.
As an analogy, think about a straight girl offended by another girl hearing that she's not attractive. This is less hurtful than directly hearing that from a guy whom she's into.
Furthermore, I see "No Blacks" less than "No Asians" in dating sites, thus you may be less sensitive about this issue. At least in gay dating arena, abomination to Asians is more brutal and direct than to the other races.
Well I myself happen to not date in my own race, I prefer Asians and even study Chinese and Japanese To help dissolve language barriers. The message is clear that you all don't wanna date others. But don't cry racism when gay whites don't want you. I can't even get an Asian to talk to me. (And I'm quite a handsome educated blk man 23)I've come to realize that Asians are raised to distrust blks and consider them of a lower class cause of skin color or other foolishness. Which is sad from a culture of really intelligent ppl. Asians fetishsize whites due to the belief that they are the top class and there desire to be accepted in a country who still see them as alien. I see more no blacks on gay profiles than anything else...but were not crying about it. Date someone who wants you
Anonymous: What the bloody hell are you talking about?
Hi, Anonymous,
I agree with a lot of what you're saying. I guess one thing I'm upset about, is the fact that there are people complaining about being unwanted by a person of another race, when, like I said, there are plenty of White men, and even men of other races, who'd be able to find you attractive, or date you in spite of your race. The victim mentality, in this particular situation, I feel is really uncalled for. Okay, so you were rejected by someone you felt was attractive. That's on them, not on you. It isn't your fault. So don't dwell on the fact that one person (or maybe many) rejected you on the bounds of your race. In case you hadn't noticed, there are TONS of White men who are into Asian men.
Perhaps we're seeing different things then. Because, yes, although I prefer men of my own race, there were men of other races that I found attractive, both physically and personality wise, that bluntly stated that they wouldn't accept a Black person, or at least stated that they were looking for "Whites, Latinos or Asians". Worst thing is, I've even seen this from plenty of other Black men. Yeah, I was offended initially, and understandably so, but it really isn't the be all and end all of my dating journey. The same is true for any person of any race, particularly Asians in this case. I rarely see "no Asians" or "I'm not attracted to Asian men", and when I do, most of the time, the sentiment comes from other Asians, which I find incredibly unfortunate. In any event, good luck on your dating journey. I hope you find someone who truly respects you, and loves you for who you really are.
i don't see "not into whites" or "not into mexicans" on personal ad or profile, JUST NONE!.
for all i know is that white guys are into mostly white, black and latino guys even with whiter skinned that's because they are better looking than asians/pacific islanders. and white guys prefer the bigger guys and the very hairy guys. same goes for black or latino guys who prefer only white, middle eastern, black or latino guys because of the manly-looking, taller, bigger cock that they want.
asian guys are like avoiding it because they know what's going on in the past.
white, black or latino guys even with whiter skinned would be like "RACIST BITE", that's how they are acting that way.
I've definitely noticed that a lot of Asians have tunnel vision for Whites. I have no idea why though...It makes me wonder if it is a self-loathing thing? or if they grew up primarily watching porn with White guys only? I have no idea. It also reminds me of Anime where usually Caucasians are depicted....found that strange too.
Ive also noticed that other minorities (namely, Blacks, Latinos, Arabs, etc.) are much more willing to date outside their race as well as within their race, than Asians. It seems like Asians are either exclusively after White guys, or will go for other Asians (although Whites still seem like the prize for them). Its gotten to a point where I just expect an Asian to be dating a White guy.
However, it is definitely racist and gross for guys to single out races as done on grindr and other sites. Writing NO ASIAN or NO Rice is racist, full stop. Also, my suspicion that a great deal of Asians prefer whites is only reaffirmed by a large number of the comments here from Asians either claiming to "understand" or simply do not view this as racist. NOt saying that there aren't Asians insulted about this. I'm Black and I have no racial preferences....its all about the individual...and if you're cute/hot it doesn't matter what color you are.
I know I'm jumping late on the bandwagon here, but just want to add to what you said (and thanks for not generalising like a lot of people here have - saying that ALL Asians like this or ALL Asians have this/that characteristics).
I'm a gay Chinese (from Malaysia) who is "Western" educated and spent 8 years of my teenage life in Australia. I came out during high school (while in boarding school) and didn't know a lot of other Asians at the time because it was fairly minimal (and even fewer, or no, gay Asians). Maybe it was the influences, or maybe it was just "conditioning" but whilst in Australia, I had a preference for anything other than Asian, BUT on the other hand, I was being rejected for being Asian. Since physicality is a factor, I want to add that I'm 6ft, and don't have that "slender Chinese" guy figure (that a lot of people think when you say Chinese gay guy).
When I moved back to Malaysia 6 years ago, and once I started hanging out with more gay Asian guys (no matter what race), my attraction broadened and it was moved to be more about people's characteristics/attitudes towards things. I don't speak another language apart from English, so communication is key for me. Let me just say, I wouldn't say no to someone who I think is hot (no matter the race), but wouldn't date them because I can't communicate with them properly - but that's just me.
I love your last paragraph, because I have the same sentiment. Even if I currently don't have a huge preference towards my own race (and let me reiterate that it's usually because I can't relate with them), I would never write that in my description (I just leave it blank and see who says hi). I still get offended and put-off by guys who write NO ASIAN because I reckon some of them who actually MEET someone who is an attractive Asian guy would actually consider going home with them. So I'm basically repeating what you said, but from a Chinese guy's perspective - even though I like White/Latino/Black guys, I won't defend/sympathise with them writing NO ASIAN on their profile.
I completely agree with you. I could not help but notice that Asian guys were always seeking white guys as sexual partners and for relationships. I am a black gay man and have known for many years most Asian guys would never consider a black guy as a sexual partner. I have never really been attracted to most Asian guys so it really didn't bother me much. However just this past week I did meet an Asian guy online and who told me he had never been with a black guy before. We have had two sexual encounters so far. And he called me to arrange another one.Feel I have helped broaden his horizons and mine as well ,in some way. And helped in improving some race relations within the gay community.
Be honest.
Are you posting "no Asians" because you are not into Asians like you are not into women, or because you hate them?
I am a proud South East Asian and a professional accountant. Yes, I must admit that I am attracted to caucasian men but I am very picky. Even if you look like an Abercrombie and Fitch with a big tool, you've got to have a brain.
I don't get emotional by the word "NO ASIAN" because I can also post "NO DUMB BLONDE" but I chose not to because it is unethical. If they don't like Asian, then don't. The hell I care. All I know is that I can't please everyone and I can't have everyone like me because haters will always be around.
As a career military officer, now retired, in The Closet for ever with so many opportunities of love and affection lost, I have been attracted to Asians. But now that I am in my Golden Age I will never be able to seek the adorable Asian of my dreams, to hold in my arms, to love and cherish one that I could have spent a lifetime with...my soulmate as one. Oh how I eenvvy todays young men, no labels, just to be with the one that you love and is a part of your being. Excuse my rambling, but I agreee with what you have said.