Breaking: Hugh Jackman Still Not Gay

If you've ever checked this blog, even once, you may not be surprised to find at least one post (or 22!) about a certain Australian actor who plays a certain superhero in a Marvel movie franchise and who frequently appears shirtless in public, which is just a fact.

We're not saying that we're obsessed with him, per se, or that we're, you know, maybe secretly camping out in his bushes for weeks on end or dialing his personal phone number every five minutes and leaving voicemails of us just breathing or anything... But! We have a little crush on Hugh Jackman and don't really understand why he a) won't return our calls or b) hasn't responded to the friendly note we attached to a brick and hurled through his window last week.

This shocking revelation from the Daily Mailmay explain why: Hugh Jackman is not gay (according to his wife). Who is this woman and what authority does she have regarding her husband's sexuality??? She is Deborra-Lee Furness, 56, mother of Jackman's two children and 13 years his senior.

"Hugh and I don't pay much heed to that," says Furness on questions of the actor's sexuality. "It's kind of tragic that these people have nothing better to do than to gossip about people they don't know."

What, specifically, does she mean by "know"? We know Hugh! We just haven't spoken in a while, ever since he took out that restraining order, but that was all just a huge misundestanding.

"Literally, they will push you out of the way," Furness adds, in reference to his more enthusiastic fans.

Um, we were just trying to tell him something, Deborra. You were in the way! If you, and seven other bodyguards, would've just moved over a little at the Real Steel premiere, we could've avoided this whole "attempted assault" thing! It's OK, Hugh, we're not mad--we just want to talk!