We all have to learn from somewhere, and that's exactly the case for tops. Everyone starts from the bottom and learns how to be a better top with practice, so don't be too self-conscious. But if you're looking to improve as a top, this list might be just the thing for you.
Being a top seems like a good role. They're low supply, high demand, so you're always bound to find sexual partners. But there's plenty of responsibilities and requirements that come into play as a top. If it's not for you, that's totally okay.
Remember how we said tops are high demand but low supply? Well, you still have to put the work in to get a bottom. But don't worry. Whether it's hitting up clubs or going on dates, persistence is everything.
A good top is a physically active top. Sure, you don't have to go all out every day, but you should be getting physical exercise regularly to build the stamina and muscles you need to pleasure your bottom.
Like it or not, tops need to learn how to be an enjoyable top through practice and experience. The less open-minded a new top is with their partner, the more likely they are to struggle to please whoever they're sleeping with at the time.
It's important to make a list of supplies you need, including for both before, during, and after sex. This includes: condoms, lube, mouthwash, wipes, and towels, just to name a few. Missing any part of the equation for, say, anal or oral can turn a fun first-time out into a frustrating experience.
"Tops don't need to clean up after themselves," the saying goes. Well, that's not entirely true. You should make sure your junk is nice and clean. No bottom wants to be hit with a pool of sweat when they're going down on you.
Topping isn't a performance. It's not an attempt to show you're the best, the hottest, or the most domineering. It's just a way to describe how two or more people interact with one another sexually. Don't pressure yourself to perform; just have fun!
If he wants to do anal, both of you need to be prepared. That means doing more than just flipping him around and going in. Play with him, tease him, finger him, eat him out from behind. Again, read up on what you want to do before going all in.
Be honest about your shortcomings, and don't get overambitious. There's no shame in admitting if you're inexperienced with a certain act or position, but diving head-first into something you know nothing about is not just foolish, it's dangerous.
We always reiterate this point whenever we're talking about sex: communicating with your partner is vital. If he suddenly goes silent, or seems rather uncomfortable, check in with how he's doing. Anal can be uncomfortable for a bottom's first time, for instance, which is why a first-time top should definitely be making sure that his partner is feeling okay.
It's easy to assume that you know how your bottom's body works if you've read or watched a lot of smut. But real life is more complicated than fantasies. Walk in with an open-mind, because you're going to need one if you want to top well.
Your bottom may be just as new to bottoming as you are to being a top. Be prepared to talk things out with him and learn each other's boundaries. You'll need to if you want to have fun together.
There's a time and a place for bathroom sex. Your first time as a top is probably not it. Why? You're more likely to be clumsy, nervous, unprepared, and get nerves. Start somewhere comfortable, like the bedroom.
It's nice to loosen up now and then with alcohol, but your first time is best enjoyed sober. Plus, for some people, it takes more than one drink to cool nerves; a second drink can even heighten them.
Every top should experiment a little bit. Whether that's kink or roleplay, a new position or a new makeout move, a standard routine eventually becomes a stale routine.
Everyone likes a confident top. But a cocky top? Unless you're doing some dom roleplaying, cockiness can come off as rude and annoying. It's a running theme in this list, don't get overconfident. In the same way, don't be too cocky, and if you feel the urge to be so, try to curb it.
Cuddle next to each other. Ask if he liked it, say if you liked it to, let him know if you had fun. No need to hold back or act coy, the best sex is always open and honest.
Sex is awkward, funny, and silly. It has its moments where two partners start laughing or teasing one another. Sex might seem super serious to a top first learning, but just one or two times together with a partner will quickly teach you to have a bit of fun.
Tops and bottoms are roles that everyone plays during sex, but, at the end of the day, there's a lot of stereotypes attached to the roles. Don't take the roles too seriously; they're just landmarks to begin to understand and explore your sexuality.
The truth is, there's probably some things you're great at as a top, other things that need some work. No harm in that. It's important to reflect on what you want to improve on while celebrating your accomplishments.