Man Arrested for Leaking Madonna's Upcoming Single

12.22.2011

By Max Berlinger

Don't mess with Madge, because she will have you thrown in jail.

So, let's say you really, really, really like Madonna. You like her so much that you even saw that clunker Swept Awayin the theaters. Let's say you love her so much, your heart is filled to the brim with so much explosive love, that you troll the Internet all day for any little tidbit of news on her. For example, you read that she brought her own glass of wine and cups to gulp some booze with her current pubescent plaything Brahim Zaibat and instead of finding that odd and/or pretentious, you think to yourself: Gee, Madonna is so damn cool...I'm going to bring my own bottle of wine with me next time I dine out.  You are that obsessed with her. OK, so let's say that you're that guy—we all know him—and you somehow get your crusty little Madonna claws on what appears to be the lead single from your idol's forthcoming album. What do you do? Do you hoard the magic that is Madge's auto-tuned voice set to computer-generated bleeps and blurps? Do you listen to the demo over and over in your room and learn each and every syllable and breath and cry tears of joy? No, of course not. You release it online and share your love, adoration, obsession, and reverence for this goddess among women.

So what, you may be thinking, would be Madonna's reaction to this? Madonna calls the damn cops, launches an investigation and gets your ass thrown in jail—that's what. The Guardian is reporting that an unnamed 31-year-old man has been arrested for leaking the single "Gimme All Your Luvin'" from Madge's next album. This dude got punk'd! If he were a real Madonna fan, he would know that as much as she really appreciates your love and all, she wants your money, jerk. She hates people leaking her music almost as much as she hates hydrangeas. She has a special task force on-hand to track down losers like this guy, and she will ruthlessly hunt you down, arrest you, and make sure you rot in a dark, cold jail cell for the rest of your damn life. But, the good news is, she's heard of you. 

 

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