Monogamy Redefined
1.12.2012
By Out.com Editors
COLT (Left) We met in 2010 on Twitter. His picture was cute, so I started chatting with him. I was doing an appearance at View Bar. That’s what I do a lot—travel to bars and strip down to underwear and dance. I said, “Why don’t you come and say, Hi? ” I never do that.
PORTER I got there right at the beginning. I said, “Hey,” and he was like, “Do I know you?” I was, like, “Bitch, you told me to come here.” And then he remembered. We went into the basement and proceeded to make out. He had a scene the next day, so we couldn’t have sex. The next time we saw each other was at a convention the following month, and that’s when I knew I liked him. When I had to leave, I was bummed I was going back to New York and he was going to San Francisco. I didn’t know when I would see him again. I tweeted that I wanted to move. And he responded that his roommate had moved out. The next month, I moved in with him. But there was this guy there he was dating that
he met the day before I met him. I was like, Damn.
COLT I didn’t know that he had those intentions! I couldn’t have sex with a roommate. That’s a good policy! But every time we’d go out of town and do appearances together, we would have sex the entire time.
PORTER We’d go home and act like it didn’t happen. A couple of months later, he broke up with the guy, and I was secretly, like, Yes! At Folsom, we hooked up with this couple together.
COLT It was romantic, it really was. We had anonymous strangers abusing us, but we were having an intimate moment. Then, we went to HustlaBall in Berlin, and that’s when we really started to like each other. The heterosexual view of being faithful is so outdated. We don’t have to have sex only with each other to be faithful. I’m completely faithful to him, emotionally and with my heart. I can still get gang-banged and want to go back home to him.
PORTER We didn’t want monogamy. We knew that wouldn’t work. We’re both horny all of the time. We have rules. We don’t hook up with someone if we’re in the same city without the other one being involved. But if he’s out of town, I’ll hook up with someone. I’ll call and be like, “Is that OK?” We’re honest and communicate.
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how many stds do you think these people have
I find the lack of monogamy in gay relationships just about the saddest thing. Being intimate with one specific mate is the most special part of being in a long term relationship. When you step outside this sacred union, it truly breaks that bond and cheapens the union. If GLBT people want the same rights to marry, etc...then step up to the plate and take the challenge. It's an important piece of the puzzle that needs to be addressed. A persons extra marital fling, regardless of how momentary, undermines the work so many of us are doing for equality.
We should not busy ourselves with putting harsh judgement on others. To condemn others only because they hold a different view is the way the haters do. Are you saying that we have to behave ourselves and be monogamous so that the society would regard us as the decent human existence and thus grant us the equal rights to legally marry, adopt, inherit and others? We all know that not all the hetero-sexual legislative married couples keep their relationship monogamous, are they? Not a few husbands and wives are cheating each others behind their backs, fooling around with their girlfriends or boyfriends. When one finds out that the spouse is having an affair with someone else, then it might bring an end to their legislatie relationship or it might not. Many of them even let their spouse openly fool around unless it does not cause any threat to their stable married relationship. But all those do not deprive them of their rights to legally marry. Then why do all of us to be monogamous to get the equal rights? It is not simply possible!
Some might say that not to be monogamous to one's partner is morally wrong; if you and your partner woule like to be monogamous, then that is fine, but you cannot force it to others who think that is not the best way to keep relationship. Each one of us has our own way of keeping relationship with one's partner, be he hetero or not. If you think that if we behave ourselves, be morally upright, and be monogamous to our partners, then the society would happily give us all the equal rights, you are wrong. To the haters, religeous nuts, reactionary conservatives, we gays are all same. Whether we are monogamous or not, to them, we are all same.
Somebody wrote alreay that at the beginning of our struggle during 60' and 70', we did not have any legal system to keep our relationship with our beloved one. It was not easy for any one of us to keep a long time relationship with our partner. We did not have many options then. But now the situation is far much better; at least in areas like most of EU countriesUSA, and some others. We can choose whatever relationship we would like to keep with our partner. To my eye, this young couple looks happy, and if they say that they are happy to be together, then who are we to judge them? Please, guys, be tolerant to each other, and let's appreciate diversity and different views among us! If we keep on fighting over each and every issue, we cannot get over this struggle to have the equal rights.
I wish the couple best luck. You cannot belittle the gay porn industry. Can you possibly condemn Casey Donovan, saying he was not monogamous to his partners?
dear out.com,
do you ever get tired of writing drivel about porn stars? i CHALLENGE you to find a single interview with a porn star in the last three months in any mainstream publication like the new york times, newsweek, people magazine, cnn...
none of you have even a shred of integrity and you never will writing garbage like this.
because of articles like this one is one of the example why is so hard for us to look equal before society. We keep fighting for equal rights, that we can adopt and get married like straight people do but we are setting an example saying that "heterosexual concept of monogamy is so updated" ( so basically to be gay is to be promiscuous). Good job dude getting rid of society stigmas towards gay people. Because of jokes like you two, preaching to go fuck and around with anybody you want totally disregarding your relationship and acting as if that is normal, claiming our constitutional rights is gonna take centuries. Way to go. I always wanted to think that people in porn industry were normal people just doing a "job" but I guess it really screwed you up. Good luck
I find this article completely different. As someone else commented, we know what you're all about really. This article completely takes away from the fight most GLBT individuals are making. How are we supposed to accomplish getting the rights we deserve when we have trash like this spewing their ridiculous "relationship" to the world. What a poor excuse for a real man! A real man can control his sexual urges and stay with one man, not go home to his man after being gang banged. Really? You both are disgusting and I really hope your moms are proud of what they produced. BARF!
I thought Colt was straight for years lol Cute couple happy for them. :)
No matter what kind of relationship you're in, if it works for you, that's great. I could never be in a relationship that was not monogamous (and I'm bisexual), but I don't judge anyone else for not being monogamous. These guys are happy porn stars in love--why should we criticize that? Love is a great thing, and something that needs to be admired, not argued about. If you're monogamous and offended by this, really ask yourself why you feel threatened by two people living differently than you. It is that kind of thinking that leads people to vote against us. Lets be better than them, please.
hey guys, wish you all the best in your life. glad to read your interview. it's your decision. i guess you're right not caring of the narrowminded comments. good luck!
Good luck to them - I've been together with my man for over 24 years; the thing is, he and I are now and always have been monogamous, because we like it that way and made that commitment, perfectly well aware of the ethos involved. It also helps that we both work together in the entertainment industry (tv/theatre) here in Los Angeles and London (where I'm from and where we finally had a Civil Union ceremony 5 years ago.) I'm perfectly happy to be supportive of Colt and Porter, who seem like a terrific couple, and others who choose an open partnership. But it seems to me that the courtesy isn't extended in the other diraction; my partner and I are not 'aping herterosexuals' or living according to a 'heterosexual paradigm', and I don't apprectiate a lot of the contempt thrown at me through the years because I happen to like being in a sexually monogamous relationship.
I totally agree with you for what you wrote here. Our community should pay due respect to those who keep a sexually monogamous relationship with their partner, and equally to those who have open relationships. The point here, I believe, is that we should be tolerant of different perspective of life, and not be too harsh to each other. To keep a sexually monogamous relatioship is surely not a mimic of heterosexual couples. It is one of the sweetest and most beautiful way to live with one's partner, be them gay or hetero.And similarly, to have open relationship while the couple is totally agreed on this concept and content with it, then it is not a sinful act to be condemned by others. I hope my comment will not offend any one of you. I found Mr. IAIN's comment most sensible so far! I enjoyed reading your comment very much. Thank you!
I totally agree with you for what you wrote here. Our community should pay due respect to those who keep a sexually monogamous relationship with their partner, and equally to those who have open relationships. The point here, I believe, is that we should be tolerant of different perspective of life, and not be too harsh to each other. To keep a sexually monogamous relatioship is surely not a mimic of heterosexual couples. It is surely one of the sweetest and most beautiful way to live with one's partner, be them gay or hetero.And similarly, to have open relationship while the couple is totally agreed on this concept and content with it, then it is not a sinful act to be condemned by others. I hope my comment will not offend any one of you. I found Mr. IAIN's comment most sensible so far!
I can't get why we should comdemn this couple only because they do porno and don't appreciate their way of life at all. There should be thousands different ways to live our own lives, and I think they don't give a damn for such a comment that they do not live a NORMAL life. I feel that some people believe that those who engage themselved in the porno industy are not to be respected. This is nonsense. There are many many porno stars who deserve much more appreciation than they usually get from NORMAL people like us.
I totally agree with what others say here. It is not that I don't agree with open relationships of some form. It jut works for some people. My problem is that they chose two porn stars and KNOWN escorts as an example.
Instead of looking at open relationships thoughtfully and respectfully they put two escorts at the forefront of this idea of love. I'm not saying their love is not legitimate, I'm sure it is great, but my point is they do not live a normal life that any normal person can emulate. They jet from city to city escorting with or without each other, that is not the life of a normal professional gay man.
What a terrible way to discuss this kind of love.
Chris Porter's smile is worth more than anything in the world, lol!
Please - what a joke. Samuel Colt is weird, having met him in San Francisco. This is the closest he can come to a relationship. LOL
I cannot see why some people cannot appreciate other people's viewpoints as they state. They are not telling us to share their view, but simply expressing their feelings towards each other. You cannot totally dismiss them only because they are porno actors, or their view on the issue is different from you. Chris is surely one of the most adorable actors in the industry, and got much popularity. He is very much adored by his fans and criticizing their way of life does not bring any good to them, or to you. You might say that they are posing in front of the camera, but his gorgeous smile still tells us something. His smile is so touching. The point here is that they say that they love each other, and who am I to judge their internal feelings towards each other? I hope people will look at the private pictures Chris took with Mr. Colt. He actually looks more relax, more adorable and younger in his private with Mr. Colt. If a couple trust each other so strong, then nothing matters anymore. They are who they are if we appreciate them or not. I think they deserve each other. If they think there is surely a love between them, then that's it! As Chris being much much younger than Mr. Colt, I hope Mr. Colt treats him right and well, so that they will not receive any unnecessary slander. Wish they will have a wonderful life this year in Greece.
I hope it would not offend any one of you who posted their comments, but hey, look at the smile Mr. Chris wear here! You can say that they are acting this scene for us in the picture, but I can still feel that his smile here is a truly genuine one. Mr. Chris is one of the most adorable person I have ever known. He is such a sweet-natured, straight-forward and positive young man. We fans love him so much. There are so many different ways for us to keep a good relationship with our loved one, and I think we should appreciate our differences on viewpoints. Mr. Chris and Mr. Colt have their own way of life and we have no rights to criticize them or be too harsh. We might say that their relationship will not last long, but who knows? Those who are skeptical can wait and see how this will turn out in the end. And Mr. Chris and Mr. Colt, you can prove to us all your love to be true by sticking together as long as you can. Mr. Chris's smile is so heart-warming, it suddenly makes the world a little bit better place for us, at least to his fans!
I find this article slightly irritating. There are many couples that have an open relationship but guess who Out chooses? two porn performers! Is there a hint of judgment behind this?
Furthermore, as other comments pointed out, there are so many questions that could have been asked, why speaking only on their own sexual agreement?
Regarding the issue itself, I do not think that monogamy is outdated. I believe however that it's not the only recipe for happiness. When you start being a couple, you basically make an "internal contract" that establishes what is allowed and what is not allowed (the sexual behaviour being only one of the issues). If both partners agree on something (as leaving the relationship open) and it works for them, who am I to say that they are wrong, if they do not hurt anybody?
I like that OUT showed this perspective, because like hetero relationships, each gay relationship is unique. At least this pair has well defined rules and follows them, and obviously have open and honest communication. It seems like so many straight people cant do this, and thats why people get divorced left and right. Who cares if they have an open relationship, it works for them. I love their honesty and communication.
Wow those are some rough comments, sad to see gays from flyover states giving such a negative comment on what is quite common in most major cities around the US. We gays do want the right to marry but because we do not live the same lifestyle of the straight world it doesn't diminish the reasoning why we deserve the right. These 2 look are clearly happy and I learned long ago not to judge what works for others. The haters in this post are outdated.
I for one am from Boston, so I am hardly in a flyover state. What does being gay have to do with anything? Monogamy is not a hetero or a homo issue, so don't act like gay people should be "accepting" of nonmonogamy more than straight people are. I defend their right to do it, but I retain the right to disapprove. You can't change being gay, but you can choose to not be a whore.
This would be a more interesting article if one of them wasn't lying through his yellow teeth. Poor little Chris doesn't know half of what he should know about what his boyfriend actually does. Once he actually told Chris he was heading out to do some errands but actually went to hook up with a European porn star who was in San Fran for a shoot. Major rule breaker. The European is not attracted to Chris so he told Sam it has to just be him or no funny business. Sam's penis won out over his heart. Not exactly shocking. What is shocking is that Sam keeps trying to convince others that he is totally upfront with his pup, when so many of us know what he's really been up to.
Your story is ridiculous. They have an open relationship... Why would he lie about something to go hook up with another guy? That is the whole point, you don't have to have the lying and deception that are inherent with many long term relationships.
Like the man said on Twitter. He did not come up with the title, out.com did. Don't harp on him for bad writing. I think to each his own. In other words " mind your own fucking business! It's their life not yours. They are happy and in love and it works for them. Stop being jealous of that fact.
I think that if people want to be in an open relationship that is perfectly fine (although it's not for me). As long as it's between consenting adults, I am not going to say it's "wrong." HOWEVER, I don't understand why monogamy must be labeled as a "heterosexual" institution. Monogamy isn't an outdated concept and it is not a concept that homosexuals should dismiss as being "too straight" for them. Colt and his boyfriend can do whatever they want, but don't degrade the majority of us homos who prefer monogamy over open relationships.
Interesting that you say "the majority of us..." who are in monogamous relationships. Do you have figures or stats to back this up, or is your evidence merely anecdotal? I live in Montreal, so I have to admit it is with a bit of condescension (which I should try to rise above, I know - adds nothing to the debate) that I look upon so many gay men in the U.S. (as well as in many English-Canadian cities) and their discomfort with any suggestion that a significant number of homosexuals enjoy open relationships. I don't know if it's a majority or not, but I know a fair number who are in open
relationships (anecdotal evidence, I know). Is it bad P.R.? Who cares?
Having an open relationship is not for me. I would love to be with others but I could not tolerate to see my partner with another. I know selfish. But I don't judge. If they are happy? I am happy!
To all of you who judge how these two men live through their relationship: it's not for you to judge. This is just an example of another way two people whom love each other make it through this messed up world day to day. I've never met a porn star or been to a hustleball whatever. But when Colt talks about the heterosexual view point and of him being faithful with his heart, I knew exactly what he meant. My partner and I are the exact same as those two....except for the fact we are just average everyday looking guys who have sex with other average guys...not porn stars ;)
I do have to take exception to the title of this piece...Monogamy Re-defined, how about Porn Star Monogamy! Look, these are two guys who are porn stars..who better than another porn star to understand and accept the reality of their jobs.
I also can't call this an "Article." There are a total of 428 words in this piece - far from investigative journalism - more of a snipit, nay, a text or tweet conversation. What frustrates me is that clearly, based on the number of replies here, out.com had the chance to really delve a bit deeper than what was printed. I, for one, would have liked to asked a number of follow-up questions:
1) How often do you see each other in a given week?
2) When not fucking, what do you do for fun as a couple?
3) Are you a "couple" to your friends and family?
4) What are your thoughts on marriage equality and do you think being open about your relationship is helpful or hurtful to overcomming the argument that gay men are sex-absorbed narcicists?
5) How do you keep your sex life alive and passionate given your profession?
6) What are your feelings about the CA proposed law to mandate condoms in all porn vids?
Clearly, there are a number of couples who enjoy the same type of open relationship, so I hope that out.com does a bit more work on this topic.
In closing, look, they are PORN STARS! They get paid to have sex and provide for us (those who like watching porn) sexual entertainment (or for me and my hubby, background music to our love-making). They live a life that maybe only .0000001% of gay men live. They are no more, or less, a reflection on what it means to be in a gay relationship than Elton John and his partner.
Humans are not naturally monogamous. Monogamy is a cultural adaption. There is a biological law of extramarital sex for mammals that states that the greater the size difference between the male and female of a species, the more sex partners the male will have. Thus for elephant sealsw where the male weighs some 4,500 lbs and the female around 1,400, the male elephant seals have harems of 70 or more females. On the other end of the spectrum, there are gibbons, the smallest of the great apes. Male and female gibbons are identical size. They mate for life though recent DNA studies of wild gibbons in Malaysia have found that there is a modest level of extramarital sex. With the male human slighty larger than a female human, the law of extramarital sex predicts that homo sapiens is a moderately promiscous species. Indeed, most men and a fair number of women have mutliple sexual partners over the course of their lives.
If monogamy works for you, well great. But it doesn't work for me and I am not a porn actor. I can be monogamous in love in the sense that my heart can belong to just one guy but in all honesty I think open relationships that are clearly defined and where each person respects the feelings of the other work best for me.
Ever since they got together I feel there was going to be problems. Not just the age difference....but come on Out.com......out of all the couples in the world....you had to choose them?
Why are these the stories that are posted and read about online and are focused on in other mainstream media so frequently? These two and others alike are so appualing and give those of us who, I suppose, are practicing an "outdated heterosexual way of being faithful" a bad rep as a group of people. I wish that someone would do a story or reality show about two gay men/lesbian women who are truly faithful to each other AND ONLY EACH OTHER and not every man at the HUSTLAball or whatever they called it. There should be more light shed upon those of us who are in happy true to the word monagamous relationships. Maybe then the world would better be educated that there are gay people among them that are just like them and not so dangerously permiscuous or out of control. I think it is people like the two featured above that make acceptance and tolerance of our people more difficult in an already difficult enough world. I promise you that ultimately, those two are not happy deep down inside and I do not for one moment think they know what love can be like for two Hetero/Homo people who are monagamous with one another. Just because you are gay does not mean you have to be a whore or automatically deemed as one.
As a caribbean romain catholic,I believe in one partner to love,to cherish nd grow together.Not everybody is ready for relationship but please dont get the new generation confuse.let them know there's a huge difference between a mess nd a relationship.Relationship comes w/a lot,lot,lot of patience,discipline nd also emotional pain,sometimes you have to fight or delay your sexual desire.
Monogamy is impossible if you're doing porn. Porn stars are already emotionally detached from sex so it's just a hop, skip & a jump to considering having sex with others when they're in a relationship. So this doesn't represent monogamy redefined. It's just same old same old in the porn industry. The guys who only work each other, maybe those you can consider trying for monogamy.
Porn star couples don't seem to make it for the long term so I'm not sure why other gay couples think this is a relationship to emulate. This couple has nothing to say about whether monogamy does or does not work. It's like looking to Britney Spears to tell you what's love about.
This is awful - monogamy and faithfulness are not HETEROSEXUAL views. This crackpot view that we're "above" the constructs of true relationships is EXACTLY why people don't want us to get married, and if we all felt this way, we'd have NO BUSINESS asking to.
I'm so over Out magazine I could SCREAM.
Don't you dare call this a gay rights issue OR a view of the community.
That kinid of lifestyle isn't for me, but good for them if they can handle it. I don't think they are the norm for gay people, and I think writing about it gives that impression. So if we are looking for acceptance by the mainstream, maybe giving this impression isn't the wisest move.
Shame on you OUT - a magazine that wants mainstream advertisers and interviews - this is not good
These guys are addicted to attention, it has nothing to do with sex, it has to do with their shame and low self esteems. Shame on you OUT.
You and others on here seem to be very judgmental. Just because their relationship is not considered the norm doesn't give you the right to cast assumptions of their mental state. What we are fighting for is the right to have our own relationship whatever it may be between consenting adults recognized under the law. It doesn't mean we have to mimic the 1950's hetero picket fence backyard barbecue concept of what marriage should be like. A lot of relationships end because people cheat on each other. They don't have that problem. I'm not saying this is what every relationship should be like (I for one couldn't handle this type of relationship) but don't judge them for wanting theirs to be like that.
that is a hot mess dot com. I'm glad that they found each other. Not jealous one bit of either of them. I'm just kinda sorta sad that 2 adults cannot commit to each other via heart n soul n sex. It's a package deal. Wow if my other half went on a gang bang and came home smelling like dick butter and ass... I would kick his ass. Times change...yeah I know... things are re defined... okay.... to broadcast it out there to people that don't understand what's it like to be gay yet..... bad call. I'm just sayin'.
Good for them, they knew the traditional idea of a relationship wouldn't work so they defined one for themselves that does meet all their needs. Title is a little misleading though, what they've got certainly isn't the new monogamy.
What I get out of this is that they're happy. What could be more important that that? The fact that they are both hot as hell gives the story something, too. We should be proud to be represented by guys like this with the kind of success they enjoy in their relationship.
What cracks me up is that people honestly think that they have a right to judge others and how they live their private lives. It's ludicrous to think that. If this relationship is working for Chris and Samuel then who are any of us to judge?
I've seen them together. I know the look that they give each other. I've been both the giver and the recipient of that look. It's called love, people. Plain and simple.
I know it does my heart good to see anyone in love. I don't care who it is. Gay. Straight. Whatever. As someone above commented, "Love is love is love." I'm just so happy for the two of them. I say good for them. Whatever works. It's really no one's business. I know I don't want anyone trying to tell me how to live my own life. So why would I ever think to do it to them or anyone else?
Many happy years to you, Samuel and Chris. You're what works. I think more men in the porn industry could learn from the example that you're setting. Because heaven knows there's not a whole lot of porn star relationships that last. Most of them end up in domestic violence and bitter mud slinging. Which is just so sad. But then again I think I may just want everyone to be happy who's in a relationship. I'm not sure.
I hope their new life in Greece is amazing. They always make me smile.
I am so jealous. I've seen both of you in your professional career and both of you guys are so damn hot. Here's to a long and prosperous life together!
Two grown men using fake names having a fake relationship.
Coming from a heterosexual marriage of many years , into a Gay relationship, I have experienced what is sometimes know as "the seven year itch", the excitement and attraction of a new relationship often wears off around that time , and you have to make the decision that if you truly love this person, can you be happy with less attraction and reach down and grab a big thing called.... Commencement.. just saying....
That's awesome. I have Soooooooo much respect for couples that communicate and trust eachother. This interview is inspiration to all those in the gay community who want the.monogamy but just can't do it. So they are right. It's the mind and heart that is precious and sacred. The.rest is after all just sex. As a male force we are all horny and we all look. But no one has the guts to talk about it likes its rabid. Well hats off to you gentlemen. Love ya!
Is this a story? It's not even a Q&A! Is here media experimenting with a collection of blurbs and sound bites as original content? As Britney might say, No wonder there is panic in the industry. I mean PLEASE!
I mean....
monogamy used in today's form means one sexual partner irrespective of marriage or reproduction. or as Webster puts it, "the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time". What they have is not monogamy, it is an open relationship...
Title is very misguiding!
Now what they have works for them, I'm good with that, but do not call it monogamy
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