Ben Platt
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12 Things to Never Say to Gay Men

Shit straight people say to gay guys.

We've all been there. You're with some friends, everything's going fine, and then out of the blue your straight friend says something like "well why isn't there a straight pride?" or "OMG I love gay people," or "please stop making RuPaul's Drag Race references at me."

If this has happened to you, or God forbid if you've ever said anything like this yourself, you might just benefit from thumbing through this list. Whether it's for catharsis, or educational purposes—please enjoy the 12 most irritating and problematic things you can say to gay men.

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1. “I know a guy, and you two are perfect for each other”
There are absolutely nothing worst then straight people trying to hook up gay people. Two people sharing the same sexual identity isn’t enough, it’s a much deeper process. Save everyone the embarrassment and stop trying to put your gay friend off onto your other gay friends.

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2. “How do you know you’re not attracted to women if you’ve never been with one?”
This question is belittling and very insensitive. When asking, you are calling that person’s intelligence into question; as if the mere sight and touch of a woman will turn them around and have them playing for another team. Love and attraction go far beyond experiences and to ask a question such as this can get you quite the response, so be cautious. 

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3. “Even though you’re gay, you’re still very much a man”
Sexual identity and gender have no alignment. It’s safe to say most will understand what you mean by saying this, but what you mean and what you’re saying are two different things. All gays guys aren’t the flamboyant, ‘girl-ish’ archetypes that are portrayed on TV and all men aren’t muscular and masculine. Let people live and stop trying to define them by whatever fabricated definition you’ve designed in your head.

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4. “Look at my boobs, tell me what you think?”
Just because your gay bestie isn’t sexually attracted to you, means that he wants to sit through a round of ‘boost my confidence by telling me my vagina looks nice.’ He doesn’t want to sit through that. He may bite his lip and tell you what you want to hear, but shortly after he’ll be forgetting the entire experience.

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5. “I have a super important job interview, pick out an outfit for me?”
All gay guys aren’t fashion savy! All gay guy aren’t shop-a-holics! And even if they were, what makes you think they want to spend their time shopping for you?

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6. “I’m having a dinner party and we would love to have a gay couple, are you free?”
Gay men are not the latest accessory. They are not a Birkin Bang or a pair of Gucci Flip Flops that you can parade around the mall and your closet circle of friends. Gestures like this can send a clear message to the gay men in your life on how you really view them.

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7. “Such a waste of a fine man”
Men weren’t placed on this earth for the sole purpose of giving women babies and tending to their sexual needs, and vice versa for women to men. A man who isn’t attracted to a woman sexually isn’t a waste, he is just simply a man who isn’t sexually attracted to women. Men can love and value women without having to lay down with them sexually.

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8. “Why do guys have to wear makeup; can woman have anything for themselves”
Nothing on this Earth ‘belongs’ to anyone. It’s all up for grabs. Any man who if fierce and brave enough to paint his face should be applauded, not condemned.

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9. “Are you a top or a bottom?”
Quite simply, It’s none of your business.

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10. “So which one of you are the girl”
Two men in a relationship are two men in a relationship. There is no woman, that’s the point. Gay men have the luxury of defining their own relationships and the normalcies it will include.

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11. “Wow, you’re into sports?”
Yes. A gay man enjoying a game of football isn’t the strangest thing. There are far more peculiar things to question and obsess over. A gay man cheering on is favorite sports team is not one of them.

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12. “But… isn’t it painful”
Again, that isn’t really any of your business, but for the record – yes. At least at first, but who’s doesn’t like a little pain no and again… you asked! 

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