10 Things You Should Never Ask a Party Promoter
By Daniel Nardicio
6.) What time does the party start? On average, I get this email like 15 times the day of an event. Please note: Last time I checked, unless you are going to a Tea Dance, clubs opened at 11, and got going around 12:30 am, unless you are in P-town, where 12:30 am is last call, and you have to go out at 7 pm. This has always been and always will be.
7.) I hear The Pines is dead. I'm sure there are other promoters who may like hearing that their competition is dead, but i don't really much care. And i dont thrive on the knowledge that someone else is slow in order to feel good about being busy. I'd much rather hear: "this event is so much fun" than someone else is doing badly. once again, buzzkill.
8.) How much will your dancers charge to go home with me? Now, I know that some dancers are rentboys, and I know that some transactions happen, but, last I checked, this isn't Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, and I ain't Dolly Parton. If you want to see if they're available for hire, screw your courage to the sticking post and go up and say, "How much to go home with me?" Easy.
9.) No, I really love your parties. In theory, you'd think I love that. And I do, when it's said once. But there's always one drunk guy a night who says, "Daniel Nardicio, I love what you do." And I say, "Thanks, that means a lot," because I'm a polite Midwestern guy and it does mean a lot. Then, they go" NO! I really love your events- i really love them!!!" And then it goes on and on as if you are disagreeing with them. What is it about really drunk people that they talk like you're always disagreeing with them?
10.) You should do a party with _____ theme. I love ideas. I really do. I love them, and I pride myself on having some good ones now and again. But every yahoo with a really soft party theme feels the need to give them to me, which forces me to act like it's a good idea. Which is exhausting.
Once a guy came up to me and told me his idea for an event was a "business suit party" because he liked guys in business suits. I can't personally think of anything less sexy than a jacket and tie, but more than that, it would be impossible to get guys to dress up for any theme—unless it's cowboy (cause they can look hot), Toga (on Fire Island only, and because the cock has easy access) and a sports theme (once AGAIN because they can look hot, and it requires no effort).
Can you imagine me trying to force a business suit requirement??
That said, I do love the 99% of you who come up, spread good cheer, and occasionally have a complaint but state it in a way that's really positive and workable. So don't be afraid to come up and say, "Hi!" But no drink tickets!
Nardicio throws the weekly DWorld Underwear every Friday in Cherry Grove.